The Rules of Attraction

In honor of my previous entry about the show "The Pick-up Artist" (and mostly because I just watched a show on spiders and I don't want to go downstairs to do my laundry), I am going to share with you my most cherished pick-up story. Now before you think bad of me and judge me on my loose morals, allow me to tell you that I've never met a pick-up line that I liked. I'm usually too busy acting like an idiot at the bar to even notice that there are other people around let alone possible suitors. So it is a rare occurrance when I come into direct contact with any sort of pick-up, at least as far as I'm aware. So, with that in mind, my most favorite pick-up line moment obviously happened in a very unusual circumstance and in one where I was completely caught off guard and unprepared. Cornered is actually a better way of phrasing it. The pick-up attempt happened at one of my most favorite locations in all of Michigan (no not Somerset Mall), but the amazing John K. King Used Bookstore in Detroit. If you've been there, then you're awesome, but if not allow me to explain in brief the layout of this store. It's not so much a store as an old glove-making factory/warehouse. I believe it has 5 or so floors and over a million used books shelved in the countless floor to ceiling cases. There is a check-out counter on the main entry level where the one or two employees will hang out and then a tall flight of old concrete stairs leading up to each floor. On a slow day, and I've never been there on a busy one, you might be the only person on any given floor. The lighting situation is about as rustic as you would expect for an old turn-of-the-century factory. Besides the natural light coming in from the windows there is one single lightbulb in each row that the customer is expected to turn on by pulley cord when browsing and turn off when finished. It's absolute book heaven. One can hardly see from one end of a floor to another on a cloudy day. It's quieter than a library and more peaceful than a funeral home - that is unless someone decides to interrupt your peace and quiet.

So there I was one day, oh probably 6 or 7 years ago, browsing the fiction shelves on floor 3. I hadn't noticed anyone around when I walked up the stairs, so I assumed that it was just me and the smelly old books. Suddenly I hear footsteps in the aisle behind mine. I glanced up from my book to catch a glimpse of a windbreaker rounding the corner and facing me dead on. The gentleman standing in front of me was clearly not interested in checking out the M row and was merely making an attempt to browse closer to my general area. It only took a few seconds to take him in: the velcro shoes, the Docker pants, the Coke bottle thick glasses and yes, the fanny pack. Embarrassed for staring, I nervously smiled and put the book back on the shelf intending to make a swift exit. He blocked my path and let it fly: "Hey, I couldn't help noticing that I'm attractive and you're also attractive. It seems like we have a lot in common. We should go out sometime." Before I could fully decipher his pick-up line/personal compliment, I mumbled something about having a boyfriend (always a lie) and scooted past him ever so gracefully. I bolted down the 3 flights of stairs without looking back and didn't stop until I was safely inside my vehicle.

Now I'm sure this all sounds a bit dramatic for what was likely a harmless attempt at flattery, but the dark, creepy surroundings, the pin-drop silence, and the fact that if he murdered me up there I probably wouldn't have been found for days, all played into this being my most uncomfortable pick-up experience. He was likely a nice middle aged guy who just happened to wear a fanny pack and I was just a freaked out 20-year-old girl. Who knows. That fact remains, however, that he broke one of Mystery's rules: never approach a lady directly from the front. It seems aggressive and is likely to intimidate her, especially if no one is within screaming distance and you're in an old warehouse in Detroit.

My love for John K. King Books remains unbroken. If you have even a slight interest in books, then you have to visit this store. They have a website so do some googling. If you go, you'll see exactly what I mean. Oh and I did hear that floor 4 is haunted. Something about an angry old glove-maker who just really likes to read. Check it out!