Shameful

I just woke up and heard the most awful celebrity-related news possible! Rihanni and Chris Brown are back together?! According to People.com they are spending time at one of P Diddy's homes and "working things out." This is just affirmation that I don't understand women any better than men. What could she possibly be thinking! Let me lay this out and see if I get it:

- He is 19
- She is 21
- She is talented and pretty, he is boring and chubby-faced
- He beat her up in a car (see photo if you haven't)

And she's taking him back?!! Now, I know there wasn't a chapter in the book "He's Just Not That Into You" that was titled "When He Kicks Your Ass" and it just seems like such a no-brainer, but perhaps in the revised edition they should consider it. Apparently some women need reassurance that two swollen bumps on their forehead, a bloody lip, and bite marks do not a happily ever after make. Maybe she'll see the light and follow through on the criminal charges, but I have a feeling this will be another case of celebrity gets off free. Just totally shameful.

Top 5...

Along with learning to share a bathroom, a bed, way too little closet space, and the TV remote, Nick and I have also begun sharing the grocery shopping.  In the beginning it's important to shop together so that when you need your significant other to pick something up for you at the store they get the right thing.  This takes a little training and if your significant other isn't that observant it can be more difficult.  I am reminded of the time that I asked Nick to pick up some Q-tips while he was at the grocery store and he came home with Kroger brand cotton swabs.  I'm hoping it was because there was a sale on the Kroger brand swabs because no one who's ever used a brand other then Q-tip would buy the off brand.  There is a CLEAR difference between the two, and an important one when it comes to cleaning out your ears! There is about half the amount of  cotton on the end compared to Q-tips and those off brand ones feel like you might as well stick a pencil in your ear.  So it is with this inspiration that I give you a Top 5 based on items you just can't substitute. 

    

5. Heinz Ketchup: I'm pretty sure Heinz puts heroine in their ketchup because if you grew up on the stuff, and I don't know ANYONE that didn't grow up pairing fries, burgers, and hot dogs with Heinz ketchup, then you are one of the many brand loyal customers that really gets pissed every time you sit down at a Steak n' Shake, excited to order a plate of their shoestring fries until you look over next to the napkin holder and notice that Steak n' Shake doesn't serve Heinz ketchup! They provide that weird bottle of little mini pepper things but they serve ketchup which is actually manufactured by Steak n' Shake!  Then there are the restaurants that serve Hunt's Ketchup which is not an acceptable substitute either, you just can't beat that good ole Heinz!

4. Cereal: So this is a wide generalization and I know that there are some good generic brand cereals out there but of the few I've tried recently, they just don't cut it.  I know it's nece

ssary to cut back in these times and I'll definitely keep trying the off brand cereals but I can say that the off brand Raisin Bran with Granola vs. Post Raisin Brand Crunch doesn't even come close.  There's about half the amount of raisins and not nearly enough granola!  Then there's Honey Bunches of Oats with Strawberries, which is one of my top 5 cereals. It's a smaller box and is so damn expensive that I finally tried the generic brand and I was definitely disappointed.  The strawberry's tasted more like Styrofoam and there wasn't nearly enough honey on the flakes and granola!

3. Pickles:  I am a pickle LOVER. I was raised on the delicious garlic infused pickles from my Grandfather's garden and have been hooked ever since. I'm the girl that asks for your pickle if it's laying on your plate for too long and I've been known to make a meal of pickles!  Dill pickles are my favorite and Vlasic makes the best.  You've probably seen the commercials with the Stork cartoon describing how Vlasic has the firmest, crunchiest pickles, and they aren't lying! 

I've tried a ton of off brands and they are soggy and don't have the crunch that Vlasic delivers.  So if it's crunch you're looking for stick with Vlasic!

2. Paper Towel:  Thanks to Amazon.com and Nick's Amazon Triple Points credit card we're obsessed with buying things in bulk from the website.  Well one day Nick made the mistake of buying some no-name brand of paper towel which was the cheapest pack they offered and boy was it a mistake! I cringed every time I reached to pull off a paper towel and half a sheet would rip off before shredding to pieces when wiping off the counter.  With paper towels you get what you pay for and Seventh Generation is not worth the cost savings!!! 

1. PB&J:  I may be almost 27 years old but I still enjoy a peanut butter and jelly sandwich like I did when I was a 4th grader.  Most of us grew up on PB&J for lunch and then probably grew out of it in our college years.  I still eat one a week at least and it's still so good!  I was a Skippy crunchy kid growing up and have evolved to a JIF Smooth lover but along the way I tried m

y roommate's off brand peanut butter and it's so not the same quality! It's not bad and if you're used to it I'm sure it's great but there's a slight lack of flavor in the off brand.  I could probably get used to the off brand peanut butter but when it comes to jam, forget it!!  Smucker's jams and jellies seem to have a monopoly on the market but there's a good reason for that, they're without a doubt the best! Unfortunately it seems like the jars keep getting smaller while the prices for my beloved Raspberry preserves continues to go up, (to almost $5.00 a jar!), but when there's only 3 ingredients to a classic PB&J you can't really skimp on one of them!!    

Mickey Got Robbed!

Happy post-Oscar day everyone! I'm sure you all stayed up until the pumpkin returned last night and are paying the price today. But if for some unknown reason you decided to forgo the song and dance routine of this year's 81st Oscar ceremony, please allow me to fill you in on all the orange spray-tanned goodness. Hugh Jackman was the hostess with the mostest last night and wow did he perform his pants off. This Aussie is a genuine triple-threat and he brought out all the stops by singing, dancing, and charming his way into Oscar hosting history. Too bad whoever wrote the opening montage was clearly snorting glitter. I think Hugh even self-consciously laughed at himself at one point (specifically while he stuck his face into a hole above a body of a baby reminiscent of the near-death Benjamin Button...yeah exactly). The only intelligible thing I made out of his opening song was that he didn't see The Reader...shouldn't that be one of the requirements of hosting? All in all, I'm just relieved Hugh made it through his little diddy with Best Actress nominee Anne Hathaway in one piece. If that girl was hungry, I'm convinced her enormous mouth could have eaten his face whole.

Anyway, after the feathers and sequins were cleared off the stage, the broadcast kicked off big with the award for Best Supporting Actress. Penelope Cruz was adorable as she accepted for her role in Woody Allen's Vicky Cristina Barcelona (still waiting for that to make its way to Michigan). Her dress was a vintage 60-year-old Pierre Balmain gown that she had been saving for a very special occasion. She was one of the best dressed of the night by far. After the hoopla for Best Actress they trotted out the boring awards for all the actual work that goes into making movies...bla bla bla. Benjamin Button cleaned up in these categories for making Brad Pitt look like an old man baby.

The best speech of the night was given by Dustin Lance Black who won for writing the original screenplay to Milk. He was genuinely emotional and his speech was really moving (not to mention he's super cute).

Best animated feature film went to Wall-E (yay! so awesome)

Supporting Actor was a huge category thanks to the nomination of Heath Ledger. I think if he didn't win, the audience would have burned the building down. There wasn't a dry eye in the house as his mom, dad, and sister accepted the award with an understated speech. If Heath wouldn't have been in this category, I would have loved to see Philip Seymour Hoffman win for his portrayal of a possibly corrupt Priest in Doubt. He's genius in everything he does.

The wackiest wackadoodle of the night goes to Phillippe Petit who is the guy that walked across the World Trade Center towers back in the 70's on a wire, hence the best docu win for Man on Wire. I saw him a few weeks ago on The Colbert Report and I think even Stephen was speechless. This guy is a French fireball...not to mention incredibly talented at walking on high wires and balancing Oscar statues on his chin, which he did last night.

The Best Song category was dominated by two Slumdog Millionaire songs, O Saya featuring AR Rahman and MIA and the winner, Jai Ho by AR Rahman who either killed the other performers backstage or seriously doesn't know how to delegate responsibilities. Rahman had just accepted the Oscar for Best Score for Slumdog when the Song category's performance kicked off and the poor guy rushed out with a microphone to sing. Twice. Then accept the award for one of those songs.

Best Director went to Danny Boyle for...guess...Slumdog Millionaire! He was my favorite person to watch during the ceremony. He was genuinely excited to be there and so happy for every single award they received. He even did a little Tigger inspired hop when he went onstage because he promised his kids he would accept the award as Tigger. This from the guy who directed Trainspotting! I would never have guessed.

Finally, as midnight snuck up on us, the last three awards were handed out. I think Anne Hathaway was starting to eye poor Frank Langella as a snack (who was AWESOME as Richard Nixon by the way), so when they announced her category it was a huge relief. Kate Winslet won for her role in The Reader and gave a very controlled, gracious speech with almost zero rambling. The girl must have practiced.

Best Actor was one of the most uncertain categories of the night as most people had Mickey Rourke and Sean Penn head to head for the win. Personally, I was on team Mickey. The Wrestler was a brilliant movie that left me totally and completely emotionally exhausted for hours afterwards. If he doesn't make another movie, he's still a fabulous actor in my book for his role as Randy the Ram. Sean Penn walked away with the trophy for his depiction of Harvey Milk in Milk and I hear it was well-deserved (I haven't seen it, but will for sure rent). I thought his speech was hilarious ("Thank you. Thank you. You commie, homo-loving sons-of-guns.")

FINALLY, to no one's surprise, Slumdog Millionaire wrapped up the Cinderella story of the year by winning the big prize, Best Picture. I loved this movie and I think everyone who has a pulse would agree. I'd like to think that Frost/Nixon would get a runner-up award if there was one, but we'll never know.

As for the fashion, a quick summary of my personal favs/worst list would be:

Favs: Penelope Cruz, Angelina Jolie (loved the emerald jewelry), Natalie Portman, Taraji P. Henson, and I think I really do like Miley Cyrus' gown.

Least: Jessica Biel, Reese Witherspoon, Beyonce, Heide Klum (the hair was the worst), and Tilda Swinton (maybe she's fashion-forward and edgy, but I can't help but think she's an alien - OMG her and Anne Hathaway are so plotting something...)

Watch out for the lightning...

Some of you may be surprised to know that behind my outward lady-like behavior I have a manly talent of sorts.   For those of you who have been around me long enough you'll be familiar with my belching capabilities.  I don't know when it started but for as long as I can remember I've been burping louder and with more depth then most guys I've heard.  Even my brother, the one guy you can count on to let out all bodily functions on your head or in the car to give you the dutch oven has never been able to compete with the seismic eruptions of my mouth!!  I get mixed reactions to my belching, most guys I've burped around think it's hilarious but some guys and most girls are a bit disgusted.  I drink 1-2 Diet Pepsi's a day so my burping is usually at its worst in the mid afternoon following lunch but that is not to give you the impression that I only burp from carbonated beverages.  I've tried to figure out what makes me burp so much louder then most people and besides the carbonated beverages I have a theory that my eating habits (basically inhaling every meal) may lead to my sucking in lots of air which would cause the burping.  I've never been a slow eater, and it's torture to take a moment's pause in between every bite so I won't be fixing this cause any time soon. The worst part about my belching is that it can come at the worst possible times, for instance; in Church after I've had some coffee, in a movie when I'm sucking down a pop and popcorn, at work when I'm around customers, etc...  But the worst timing by far has to be my knack of ALWAYS needing to burp when someones saying prayer before dinner.  I swear it's like a cause and effect reaction!! Someone starts praying and I immediately feel my stomach start rolling around compounding into a sizable gas bubble before needing to find an exit!! Case in point: Wednesday evening Nick and I joined my brother and sister-in-law, and my younger sister over at my parents house for a family dinner.  I can't recall exactly if I'd had much to drink before we sat down to dinner but it's really of no consequence, we always say grace before eating and this night was no different.  My sister volunteered and as we bowed our heads I closed my eyes and sent my silent words of thanks Heavenward until my intestines decided to revolt.  I felt my ab muscles contract and was forced to take in a deep gasp of a breath before the rumbling started its way up my esophagus.  It was one of those low guttural sounding burps even as it crept it's way up my chest and I knew it would be loud so I sealed my lips shut hoping no one else could hear the deep roar entering my throat. My cheeks automatically puffed out to keep the belch from escaping but this is where everything went wrong. The belch needed to find an exit and if it wasn't getting out of my mouth then it was getting out somewhere else.  Next I felt my nose start to burn and pretty soon I knew I couldn't go without breathing much longer so I ended up having to gasp and nearly choked before the tears started clogging up my vision.  And after all of this suffering to keep my family from having to endure yet another gross interruption I looked up to see them all staring at me and the first thing my mom said was, "did you think we didn't hear it while you were trying to keep it in?!?" Thankfully our family dinners are pretty casual so everyone had a good laugh but I gotta tell you, God is going to get even with me one of these days for ruining dozens of prayers so I'm staying far away from towering trees and telephone poles and I won't blame you if you want to stay far away from me during a thunderstorm!!

Hope everyone has a great weekend!! Cheers!

Cheap and Chic Exercise

Good morning from gloomy Michigan! I literally just stumbled upon something that could be an answer to my exercise prayers. I was walking through my office when I noticed a brightly colored giant hula hoop sitting in one of the cubicles. Always ready for a distraction while working, I walked over and inquired as to what this circle of obvious fun was, exactly. My co-worker explained that it's an Acu Hoop and it contains magical powers to trim your waistline while you watch television. Apparently, some genius turned a normal everyday kid's toy into a workout machine for the housebound adult...sold! The Acu Hoop is a weighted hoop that works your abs and hips while you hula it around your body. I think this screams instant 6 pack! I can only imagine the time I've wasted by reclining while watching TV at night. Now I can hula hoop my way to summer hotness while at the same time exercising my brain to understand just what the heck is happening on Lost. Double whammy!!

According to the website authority on Acu Hoops, you can slim your waistline by 2 inches every month! It only takes 10 minutes a night or the first third of your favorite Real Housewives of NYC episode. The medium size Acu Hoop is only $32.00.

I'm going to try this out at lunch and see how my abs look later today.

Junior high celebrity...

It seems like just the other day I felt my heart go pitter-patter when Nathan Worley asked to me to skate with him at the 6th grade rollerskating party which meant I finally got to hold hands with a boy!! Those were the days when everything was simple, you met up on the playground, played TV tag and 4 square and hoped to be chased by the cutest boy in class. So fast forward to last Friday night when I found myself surrounded by about 300 6th, 7th, and 8th graders getting their groove on at the West Middle School Valentine's Day dance where I had suddenly become the chaperon. Wow, have times changed.

Nick volunteered to help chaperon at the school where he student teaches and I thought it would be fun to help out so we headed on over to the school gym at 7pm for the festivities to begin. For about 4 months Nick has been student teaching with the 6th grade language arts teacher and has told his students a lot about me and even brought in some pictures of our wedding. When the kids heard I was coming to the dance they were reportedly very excited to finally meet Mrs. B. Truthfully I think they all have a crush on Nick and just wanted to check out the competition.

Unless Dyingtobedivas gets suddenly picked up by TMZ or The Enquirer the junior high dance was probably the peak of my celebrity status. I was a total star!! As soon as we stepped in the gym all the 6th grade girls ran over to meet me, and sweetly told Mr. B how pretty I was, it was great!!! I've never felt so liked in my life...I hope I get to do this every year! I don't care if they're only 12, I'm not here to discriminate against who wants to make me feel good!

Alright, alright, I'll get back to the original point of this post...so the head of the student council asked us to roam the gym, halls, and rooms that were open just so kids could see there were always adults around. The first thing I noticed was the tight security. They essentially have a guest list of kids that are allowed to participate and kids that have been banned, the kids that have been banned have usually gotten in trouble for bad behavior during the previous week so they are not allowed to join in. A couple of these kids showed up and their parents were called right away to pick them up since they weren't allowed to attend. Next I noticed that the kids don't really dance like we used to...or at least how I remember it. They played mostly top 40 (the edited versions) and the kids were all spread out in clusters around the gym where the girls would occasionally break into little dance circles, although it really just looked like hopping around to me. Then the slow song came on and suddenly the boys were moving, it was so cute to watch some of them get up the courage to ask a girl to dance and thankfully I never saw a little guy get rejected. When the girl said yes they would immediately plant their feet and put their arms on the other one's shoulders or waist and then sway...WITHOUT MOVING THEIR FEET AT ALL!! Is that how we all used to slow dance at these things? I could have sworn I moved my feet! Then I saw two tiny little boys start to break dance, and they were awesome! They were doing backspins on the floor and the middle splits, none of the guys in my class could do that stuff! It was all really cute and I was thinking about how fun it would be to have a junior high aged kid! It was about that time that I saw a group of kids standing in a circle, a mix of 7th and 8th graders I later found out, and watched a 7th grade boy move his hand from an 8th grade girl's upper back slowly heading downward until he rested his hand on her ass and took a great big squeeze...and the worst part is that the girl was totally into it!! Thankfully the shop teacher stepped in and asked the boy to keep his grimy little hand off her butt. This was all the birth control I needed!! Mostly the kids were well behaved except for the two little 8th grade hellions who were caught drinking behind the dumpster...the dumpster?? Who wants to drink behind a dumpster?!? All in all it was a really fun night and hilarious to think back to how big a deal these kinds of events were back in our day, even though I can't quite remember junior high dances since my school didn't allow dancing which is super lame!!

He's Just NOT That Into You!

Ladies are you familiar with that phrase? Yes, it's currently a movie starring Jennifer Aniston, Drew Barrymore and Scarlett Johannson, and yes, it's also a best-selling self help book, but I mean...you know...in real life. Maybe your girlfriends have never dared to utter those six little words to you while you're in the midst of a dating crisis. Maybe they've instead told you that "he's too immature for commitment" or "you're too good for him anyways" or even "your beauty and intelligence have obviously intimidated him." Yes ladies, even though they are lying to your face, they are still good friends. They just don't want to hurt your feelings by stating the obvious truth that is glaring everyone else in the face: The guy just doesn't like you.

Leigh and I went to see the movie last night while recovering from yet another Saturday night doing what we do worst. I had a feeling that I would be able to relate to at least some of these hilarious dating scenarios and I was not disappointed. Scarlett's character being nearly strangled by a clingy cuddler while trying to sleep = check!, stalking people on Myspace like Drew = check!, wondering why on earth someone would ask for your number if they never intend to use it = check! There were a few cringe-worthy moments though for female-kind. I wanted to scream at Jennifer Goodwin's character, Gigi, every time she checked her voicemail (at least thousands) or staged a "drive by", or immediately fell for every guy that looked at her twice. It was like the girl had no filter and was ready to marry anything that had a heart beat. I'm sure there are some ladies out there that are like this and perhaps they are the ones that need to hear "He's Just Not That Into You" on a daily basis. No, he didn't lose your number or suddenly come down with a severe case of laryngitis...the dude's just not going to call. And if he does call in two weeks at 3am, nothing good is going to come out of it (for you) so don't even answer. Guys, this is a two way street. I'm no expert on breaking things off as my usual M.O. is to fake death by not answering my phone, but I can't tell you how confusing this lack of response seems to be to some guys. By the third follow-up voicemail he leaves me, I'm really starting to feel like a horrible person. But I've survived HIM not being into me plenty of times to know that the guys will survive HER not being into them as well.

I guess the moral of the story is to find some self-respect and keep it. Don't settle for just average because 40 years with average is a heck of a long time. And it's okay to admit the truth -not every guy or girl is going to like you back. That doesn't mean you need facial reconstructive surgery or you should permanently reside in a gym (although it could, but they have other books for that), it just means that you should keep trying and while trying, keep those delusions at bay.

To my girlfriends, however, you can just continue to tell me nice flattering things whenever this happens to me. I'll still know the truth, but will love you for lying to me just the same. :)

Suzy Homemaker...

So the blogging has hit a bit of a dry spell here at Dyingtobedivas...as I mentioned in a previous blog, it's that dark, depressing time of the year when the forecast of another 10 inches of snow does little to inspire my creative side. Thank God for the sunshine so far today, that at least is giving me a little hope that Michigan isn't the new Alaska. I've been searching and thinking and trying to notice things around me that would inspire a comical rant and hardly anything has been going on for me. I've been partially laid off, so I'm only working 3 days a week, which at first sounds like a perk, one could even call it extra vacation time, until the ole paycheck gets deposited in the bank with 40% less moola. With my additional time off I've really stepped up my Suzy homemaker duties, taking over the house cleaning instead of having a bi-weekly maid service, doing a lot of important historical research while watching the first 6 episodes of Rome on HBO in one day and brushing up on my political knowledge by dedicating at least one hour a day to watching the first season of The West Wing, (is it weird that I'm attracted to Bradley Whitford as Josh Lyman??), and finally, making dinner for Nick (since he's usually the chef around our place). Allow me to digress for a moment to tell you about my current favorite wedding gift, the crock-pot. My Aunt Paula gave me a fantastic slow-cooker cook book and I've been trying some of the meals lately on my extra days off and wow, that thing is a like a witch's magical cauldron (no comments comparing me to a witch please!), you put in the meat or chicken, some cream of mushroom or chicken soup, veggies, some other seasonings and voila, 8-10 hours later the house smells delicious and there's enough sauce or gravy to satisfy the king everything-must-be-drowning-in-sauce, Nick. It's terrific, I'm really feeling like the cook side of me is coming out, heck, I may even take a crack at baking, that Kitchen-Aid stand mixer shouldn't stay in it's box forever!!

Besides sharpening my domestic goddess skills I haven't had much else to do and it's made me realize a few things. Since I started working full time 4 years ago I've often felt jealous after seeing a crowd of "ladies who lunch" at a local restaurant. As usual, the grass isn't always greener. First of all, I don't have anyone to lunch with so eating by myself would get pretty pathetic after the first few times, and second, I'm already feeling totally lazy and guilty on Thursdays and Fridays unless I'm out and about running errands or doing stuff around the house. I'm currently looking for some volunteer work to get involved in to help fill my days so that should help. Another issue is that it's pretty lonely...part of working outside the home is getting to interact with people and for me that's a big deal. Now, whenever Nick gets home from work on Thursday or Friday I pretty much follow him around for the first hour just to reach my communication quota in for the day! I'm sure there's a happy medium and I should quit whining and be thankful that I still have a job in the auto industry but it is interesting that all the times I've wished for more time off have resulted this way.

WTF - quick hits

I just returned from a quick work trip to Tampa FLA and wow...our weather sucks. It was 75 and partially sunny for the 24 hours I was there. A person could get used to that in February.

I have two items that I wanted to touch on briefly today under the new category WTF. My first WTF moment this morning came when I read an article on People.com that Mandy Moore and Ryan Adams are engaged...engaged to be married. Now I knew that they had dated briefly a few months ago and I was stunned even about that. Then there was a break up and an awkward moment when she went back to her ex DJ AM. But in true Hollywood style, she is now not only back with Ryan Adams but she's also planning to wed him until death do them part. That's Mandy Moore, singer of teen pop single "Candy" and Ryan Adams, curmudgeonly older indie star that hides behind his hair and sadness. WTF do these two have in common?! Oh now I know...they both have zero street cred. Adams just lost his by proposing to MANDY MOORE. What's next? Britney Spears gets engaged to Joaquin Phoenix? I just don't get it.

My next WTF item is a poorly researched bit on Lady GaGa. I hesitate to make a call on this one yet because I don't know that much about her. I'm just perplexed by her image vs. her music. See photo. Her outfits are writing checks that her music just can't cash. Now, according to Wikipedia she is an art school grad that supposedly makes electro-glam music inspired by Bowie and the like. Sounds awesome...so WTF is up with her hit single "Just Dance"? Maybe it's a fluke and it's not really representative of "her sound" but that still does NOT excuse a cameo by Akon in the video. Akon?! You dress like that and you name yourself Lady GaGa and then you collaborate with AKON?! Somewhere Goldfrapp is rolling over in her grave (except that she's not dead, but just go with it). Something smells fishy about this whole package. I want to like her and I like the idea of her, but don't label it one way and then serve it up with a side of Akon. I'm going to be patient with this one, but if I hear anymore of this pop drivel she's going into the permanent WTF files.

Happy weekend!

quality control...

Recently overshadowed by the news of Chris Brown's major meltdown was another R&B artist's hospital visit. Usher's wife and baby mama, Tameka Foster, was in Brazil having "routine plastic surgery" when she suffered cardiac and respiratory arrest due to "complications." Reports say she was having liposuction and I just have to wonder why someone would go all the way to South America for lipo?!? Could the wife of Usher Raymond be feeling the pinch of the ecomonic crisis along with the rest of us?? Maybe she can't afford to use the best Beverly Hills has to offer! Somehow I highly doubt that! Maybe she wanted to stay out of the public eye post surgery...isn't that what they have high-priced private recovery centers for?!? And it's not like she was getting a nose job where she'd need to be bandaged, it was just lipo which I have to assume was necessary due to the recent birth of her 5th child. I'm no expert on Brazil's medical certification standards but I have seen Dateline NBC and seeing some chick get a breast augmentation for $3500.00 and ending up with only one breast was enough to scare me from ever wanting to cross the border to save a few bucks. I'm all for saving a few dollars, you know, buy your fake Gucci bag, import your viagra from Canada but when it comes to plastic surgery don't you want to consider quality first?!? I'm certainly planning to have my share of plastic surgery in the future after I've had kids and my ta-tas are inevitably drooping to my knees but I think I'll save up the extra 4000.00 and stay stateside, not worth it!! We've seen what bad plastic surgery can do...i.e., the former Michael Jackson to the right here....don't risk it!

Oh hell to the no Chris Brown

I have never been a fan of Chris Brown in anyway, but I have to say that if anyone still is after this debacle, there is something wrong with them. The most recent update I just heard on E! News (so maybe I had it on while eating dinner!) said that Rihanna called 911 after he beat her up in his car AND then he ran off on foot with the car keys leaving her all alone in the middle of the street! Apparently, she had bite marks on her arm and bruises all over her face. There aren't words. First of all, I never understood why someone as beautiful as Rihanna was dating that 19 year old cabbage patch looking Michael Jackson wannabe. Now he's getting all Ike Turner on her! I hope to god she dumps his nasty ass pronto, follows through on the criminal charges, and makes sure his career is dead in the water.

This guys just sucks. (that's for you Aaron and Dave since you told me that saying "that guy sucks" is the worst thing you can say about a guy)

The Chop...

Poor poor men. When it comes to commenting on a girl's hair, you can do no right. You are guilty until proven innocent and I've come to realize how unfair it is. Nick, my wonderful, sensitive, super observant husband once told me the best advice he ever got from his Dad was to just try and say as little as possible when a girl asks what you think of her hair. After last week I can see why!! About a year before Nick and I started dating, (nearly 7 years ago!) I cut my hair to about shoulder length (following a break up with an ex boyfriend of course because that's what girls do!) and from that point on I've pretty much been growing it out in various styles. Every girl I know wants long hair for her wedding so once that was officially on the horizon it was nothing but baby trims for my every-7-weeks salon appointments. About 6 months before the wedding I grew tired of the maintenance of my long, thick hair and started talking about how I couldn't wait to cut it after the the wedding. Well the big day came and went and I was thrilled to have the long hair I'd always dreamt of but I was still set on the big chop in the near future. With two August weddings on bridesmaid detail I kept my long hair so that it would be easier to pull back into formal hairdo's. By Fall I had no good excuse except fear of what it would look like so I went to three more appointments and again kept it long.

Well something about trying to survive the monotony of Michigan winters inspired me recently, so with a Rachel Ray magazine in hand I went to my trusted hair goddess, Alex, and asked her to perform the grueling hair surgery last week. I tried not to notice as years of growing my hair out fell in short, fast snippets to the ground. It was scary and liberating at the same time. Now I know it's only hair, really I do...but there's a lot of security wrapped up in a girl's hair and once you're used to a style it can be scary to change it so drastically. I went home with mixed feelings about my new, slightly-longer-then-chin-length style and right away Nick said how much he adored it. For no good reason I got defensive and said he "had to say that" and that while it was cute, I didn't feel as pretty or sexy without my long hair. He then tried to tell me how wrong I was and how it wasn't my hair that makes me sexy but I just continued to argue with him. In retrospect his Dad was so right! Here he was trying to shower me with compliments and I was disagreeing with him!! Thinking back I recalled a few times when I'd gotten something subtle done to my hair and he hadn't noticed right away and I was upset by his lack of observation and yet here he was trying to be super sweet about it when he did notice and I told him to stop talking about it! How freaking neurotic is that!?! I wish I could give you guys some advice but I just don't think girls, (or at least me!), are capable of being rational about this topic. What I can do is tell you not to take it personally and abide by Nick's rule of trying to say as little as possible while still pointing out that you've noticed a change. Best of luck and we'd love to hear your stories of hair comments gone horribly wrong!

Hottie of the Weekend!

Happy Saturday everyone! I don't have much time today because I'm getting my hair did in about an hour, but I know everyone has been waiting patiently for this week's hottie. I just learned about this hottie actually being a hottie this past summer. I'm sure he's always been hot, but I had never celebrated his work before Dark Knight came out. Now I am in full celebration mode. Christian Bale is my perfect combination of man - hot, British, and, just recently, a huge D Bag. LOVE IT. Has everyone heard his amazing f bomb laden rant from the set of Terminator Salvation? It's probably one of his best performances. The anger, the fluent use of foul language, the stamina to make it last 5 whole minutes! I'm speechless. If you haven't heard it, please do, but be warned that I'm not kidding about the f bombs - I wouldn't listen to it at work or while babysitting.

http://www.tmz.com/2009/02/02/bale-went-ballistic/

He WILL trash those lights! If there was a video to go along with it, I'm thinking instant Oscar material. I can't imagine that the actual Terminator movie is going to be better than this. So there you have it. I really need to run now or these roots will continue growing out until I'm officially a brunette.

I promise longer posts early next week. If someone would just pay me to do this, I'd have a novel written already.

He's looking Haggard

Ok! Let's move on, shall we?! I'm sure you've all at least heard bits and pieces of the Ted Haggard story (I actually think The Ted Haggard Story is an HBO movie). I just read a transcript of part of the Larry King interview with Haggard and his wife Mrs. Haggard and am left scratching my head. Now if you aren't totally up-to-date on this scandal, here is a brief breakdown from what I gather:

- Haggard was the head pastor of New Life Church in Colorado Springs (megachurch, made $150k a year, big shot among big shot church guys, lives in a 700k home)
- Married since 1978 with FIVE children
- Has condemned homosexuality, apparently visited gay bars to bring men to his congregation
- Dethroned in 2006 amidst sex scandal involving male prostitute and crystal meth
- Accused of paying the prostitute for sex once a month for three years, he even tipped (that's 36 booty calls)
- Admitted to most of the allegations and went straight to therapy.
- Asked for donations so him and his wife could go back to college
- Currently selling insurance

Ok, so. In this Larry King interview that was on last week, his wife sat by his side and professed her undying love and admiration for him. That's fine, he's a very lucky man. I guess what I'm confused about is his...you know...official status. His wife swears they have a very normal sex life and apparently 99% of his sexual experiences were with her. Do the ones where he was on crystal meth not count? That's really the only way I can understand how 3 years of prostitute visits only account for 1%. Not to mention how another man has come forward recently to say that Pastor Ted "knew himself" in the biblical sense in front of him. But I digress. Ted has labeled himself "heterosexual with complications." I've never seen this option for orientation on any one's facebook or myspace page, so it's definitely a first for me. While I agree that visiting a prostitute and taking crystal meth could lead to various complications, something tells me he's really skirting the issue here. I guess I just find it messed up and sad that he's still in denial after all of this. I always wonder why women stand by their cheating husbands, whether they cheat with men, women, or drug induced crystal meth sessions with prostitutes. Mrs. Haggard had the following to say when asked why she stayed with Ted:
"To restore honor to our children, the best thing I could do is help restore honor to their father."

Does that scream martyr to anyone else?! Is she giving up her happiness and self-worth to remain married to a man who disgraced their family and lied to her for 30 years? I'm sure her children are her #1 concern, but why is it her DUTY to restore his honor that he royally f'd up? I am just really perplexed by this whole situation from the religious implications to the lies and deceit and the nagging question of why was he making 150k a year in the first place? (That brings up a whole other issue I have about pastor's salaries...anyone else think that a salary cap sounds like a good idea for this profession? I mean I know it's not "fair" to limit any one's earning potential, but I've always been personally wary of Men of God that are making serious bank - or if they are really really tan and wear gold jewelry - won't mention names, but I've known one or two of these).

So, I guess I'm just curious what you all think. Is he gay? Is he a complex straight person? Does he just want to party? What would you do if you were married to him? Should people be allowed to start churches in their basement?

Feel free to rant!

Sports Desk...

Nick and I hosted a small "Big Game" party yesterday and had a great time with the friends who were able to join us. I'd been thinking all weekend of something to write about since I hadn't written in several days and nothing was inspiring me. I figured I could write about the game like I have before, giving the highlights and funny things I noticed but I had no idea on Saturday if it was going to be a good game or not. So I was out to dinner at my favorite wine bar in Plymouth with Lisa, Debbie, and Alicia when an idea as brilliant as I could ever hope for hit me like a gigantic bolt of lightening!! Lisa asked Deb where she was planning to watch the game and commented that she was rooting for Arizona instead of the Philadelpha Penguins, I corrected her small tiny sports confusion, (i.e., the PITTSBURGH Penguins are a NHL hockey team) and we all had a good laugh at her comment. I thought her comment was funny, Deb and Alicia had a good laugh, and from there the wheels started turning. Yesterday afternoon, before the majority of people arrived, I requested Nick and Zach's assistance in my plot for a potentially brilliant blog. I had no idea at the time if my plan would pan out but I saw the potential and with the help of the two guys, recorded every silly, funny, Superbowl related quote that came out of Lisa's mouth, without her knowing. So, it is with great pride, and hopefully a friendship and blog partnership still in tact, (Love you Lease!), that I present to you...

Lisa's Take on the Big Game:

Pregame:

6:02 “I’m excited because Matt Leinart is the backup quarterback”

6:03 p.m. “I’ve chosen the Arizona Cardinals tonight. I’ve been to Arizona ... and they probably have more attractive people.” (Self explanatory)

6:08 “They don’t know who’s starting yet?? Is it like a surprise??” (On the starting lineups, a little confused there)

6:08 “Do they play inside or outside??”

6:20 “If they say their high school, does that mean they didn’t go to college?” (On the starting lineup's bio's)

1st Quarter:
6:32: What's with all this penetration?? (On the broadcasters commentary about how well the defense was able to penetrate the offensive line)

6:45 "It's, like, two guys with long hair hitting each other." (Followed a giggle over watching a guy tackle an opponent)


7:01 -"I just want to tickle them until they smile." (On why the players don't smile in pictures or their starting lineup bio's)

2nd Quarter:
7:18 “He was running right at him ... right?”

7:23 “It’s also nighttime and they’re wearing that black stuff on their faces ... is that for fashion?” (On the eye black)

7:25 “This is, like, vintage” (during highlights being shown of Kurt Warner from two weeks ago)


7:29 “He needs a towel” (Harrison’s face was sweaty)


7:48 “He has a great perky booty ... you could bounce a quarter off of that... tight ass and long flowing hair.” (Larry Fitzgerald)


7:49 “#11. Snake eyes.” (Commenting on Fitzgerald's number, last time I checked a 2 was a snake eyes on a roll of the dice)

Halftime:
7:55 “Bruce is pissed right now. Springsteen.”

3rd Quarter:
8:47 “What happens when they get a foul?”

8:51 “So, a fumble it’s like a hot potato. Huh?” (On a fumble recovery)

9:01 “Oh! What happens there?” (On a kickoff that required a touchback)

9:03 “She’s like a Chia Pet. He’s been watering her every night.” (On the hairgrowth of Kurt Warner's wife)

9:04 “Nobody would watch it” (in response to my idea that she needs her own “radio show” for all this genius commentary)

4th Quarter:
9:14 “Rod Hood: He was up to no good” (for no good reason)

9:19 “I like the Willies!” (On the funniest football names)

“9:39” “It looks like a body part” (On a piece of paper that flew onto the field)

9:58 “What is that magical pole?” (goal post)

So there you have it folks, we had a good time laughing with her yesterday and I figured it might be funny to some of our readers as well, hopefully she'll still speak to me after this!