Mystery. Does that name mean anything to you? Does it conjure up images of a tall, dark and handsome reality TV star with just a tiny penchant for items of flair? If not, you are clearly missing out on one of the joys of life: the VH1 series "The Pick-Up Artist." Earlier this year, I stumbled upon this treasure wholly unprepared for what it would offer me as a viewer. The name sounded catchy enough, but the real draw was the star of the show Mystery. What man can go by the name Mystery and not be run out of town? The same man who can rock a black fuzzy top hat with eye-protecting safety goggles. Yes, he is prepared at all times for whatever this world will throw at him, whether it be an all night rave or an underwater adventure. Make no mistake, Mystery has the answer. And the answer to picking up the ladies is what he gives to the hopeless contestants of his reality show.
Mystery wasn't always the dapper ladies man that you see on television. At some point in his life, he woke up and realized that he was just a tall, gangly nerd with a bad video game habit. He was 30-years-old and living in his parent's basement with no female conquests to his name and no self-esteem. He needed a change. Legend has it that one October he got in his car and drove to the nearest Halloween store intending to replace his broken Jedi Sword when the idea struck him. He would purchase every gaudy, cheesy, desperate accessory in the store and wear them all at once! Surely if he was wearing eyeliner and medallions the ladies would finally notice him! As the story goes, the plan worked marvelously and before he knew it he had an entire entourage of lame, sad guys following him around to the clubs. They wanted a piece of Mystery's mystery and all they had to do was buy it from Spencer's Gifts. It was so easy. As word spread all over the country of this modern day Casanova, VH1 came calling. They couldn't resist his charms or his flashing belt buckle, so they immediately gave him his own reality show with the hopes that all the regular joe tools would buy into Mystery's bag of tricks. And buy into it they did.
Now we can all watch in awe as Mystery and his sidekick Matador teach the young impressionable boys how to get noticed and get a number. Makeovers are the first step since none of the guys have ever set foot in a salon, let alone dyed their hair a brilliant shade of purple. Outrageous clothing and Hot Topic accessories complete the trifecta of coolness. All that is left is the attitude. On the inside these guys are crying for their mommies, but on the outside they are taught to project an attitude of "high value." According to Mystery, the key to success with the young single club crowd is the high value brush off. Even though a contestant is taught to rudely intrude on conversation amongst a group of girlfriends, he must do so by making the ladies feel as if he's doing them a favor by standing awkwardly by their table staring at their breasts. Usually the guys start conversation with one of their rehearsed "openers" such as "Do you think Mick Jagger is hot?" or "How do you feel about tattoos?" or even the favorite "I can't stand here long because my friends are waiting, but would you ever date a guy named Herman?" Fascinating! I think I've heard that Herman line a few times myself and I can tell you that it really works. Some of my best nights have started with a thoughtful conversation about the benefits of dating Hermans. Clearly Mystery is doing the "single and dating" world a huge favor. Without his tips and tricks, I don't think there would be any interesting or attractive men to talk to while I'm getting sloshed at the bar. Certainly no one would be wearing glow in the dark necklaces and that would be a crime. If you'd like to experience the master at work, tune in to the second season of "The Pick-Up Artist" everyday on VH1. It doesn't really matter what time you turn it on because it's just on all the time. Men, watch and learn. Ladies, watch and learn how to avoid becoming a victim. It's fascinating stuff.
Now we can all watch in awe as Mystery and his sidekick Matador teach the young impressionable boys how to get noticed and get a number. Makeovers are the first step since none of the guys have ever set foot in a salon, let alone dyed their hair a brilliant shade of purple. Outrageous clothing and Hot Topic accessories complete the trifecta of coolness. All that is left is the attitude. On the inside these guys are crying for their mommies, but on the outside they are taught to project an attitude of "high value." According to Mystery, the key to success with the young single club crowd is the high value brush off. Even though a contestant is taught to rudely intrude on conversation amongst a group of girlfriends, he must do so by making the ladies feel as if he's doing them a favor by standing awkwardly by their table staring at their breasts. Usually the guys start conversation with one of their rehearsed "openers" such as "Do you think Mick Jagger is hot?" or "How do you feel about tattoos?" or even the favorite "I can't stand here long because my friends are waiting, but would you ever date a guy named Herman?" Fascinating! I think I've heard that Herman line a few times myself and I can tell you that it really works. Some of my best nights have started with a thoughtful conversation about the benefits of dating Hermans. Clearly Mystery is doing the "single and dating" world a huge favor. Without his tips and tricks, I don't think there would be any interesting or attractive men to talk to while I'm getting sloshed at the bar. Certainly no one would be wearing glow in the dark necklaces and that would be a crime. If you'd like to experience the master at work, tune in to the second season of "The Pick-Up Artist" everyday on VH1. It doesn't really matter what time you turn it on because it's just on all the time. Men, watch and learn. Ladies, watch and learn how to avoid becoming a victim. It's fascinating stuff.
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