Happy Halloween!

So the big day has arrived. This is probably my favorite holiday because nothing is required of me except to dress up in costume and go to a bar. Two of my favorite things! I decided on a last minute costume of Cleopatra a couple days ago and I'm mostly excited about the amazing eye makeup possiblities. I love seeing all the costumes and I heard rumors of a few amazing ones in our group. I'm sure Leigh will be on camera duty as usual and have many ridiculous photos to post later this week. In the meantime, I thought I would share a photo of a dancing pig that hangs out on the side of 5 mile Rd. in Plymouth everyday. I think he's doing this as a promotion for a new BBQ place, but no matter why he's out there everyday it's hilarious. My friend Andrea Kinney took this amazing photo after pulling over on 5 mile and requesting him to pose. We work about a block away from here and it always brings a smile to my face when I see this goofy pink pig doing his thing. If that doesn't motivate you to dress up tonight, then I don't know what will. So whatever you end up doing, do it well. And if you want someplace to go tonight where you will see Cleopatra, Al and Peg Bundy, a giant fluffy penguin, Michael Knight the Knight Ridder, a man dressed up as a sexy cat, two ghostbusters, two bees, and a little person standing on speakers costume, then go to Live at PJ's in Ann Arbor. Have fun tonight!

It's almost Halloween!

eHarmony quote of the week: "I don't lie and I can tell when someone is."

Second best eHarmony quote of the week: "I'm looking for a lady to inspire me to get back in shape."

Third best eHarmony quote of the week: "She's gotta have a sense of humor, a head on her shoulders, and a great smile... " I have a sense of humor, a head, and a smile...I'm a shoe-in!

I'm having a hard time mustering the energy for a long post today, so I thought a few random quotes might suffice. Let's just say I remembered last night that I have eHarmony and should probably check-in again...and boy were some of my matches upset with me. I got closed on at least a dozen times for not responding.

In other news, how hard does that new Killers song suck? I'm talking like really really bad. What leftover 80's drug did they take and think that was a good idea? It's probably not even worth talking about because it's not like I'm a Killers fan club member, but it's just been blowing up the radio lately and torturing me on my 5 minute commute. I'm too lazy to plug in the ipod or fumble around for a CD so I just let 88.7 do its thing.

I'm supposed to do a delayed Hottie of the Week, so I'll probably get to that later tonight. We're going to focus on a hottie girl this week for all the gentlemen readers, so check back later when I'm not on the clock.

Diary of a Newlywed...roomates

While Nick and I were off gallivanting in Chicago a few weeks ago, a good friend of ours, let's call him Dupree, temporarily moved into one of our guest rooms. He just started a job in the area and hasn't found an apartment yet so we offered to house him for a short while. Most people would call us crazy for taking on a roommate 4 months into married life and a mere 5 months after getting rid of Nick's last roommate but what can I say?...we're suckers and saints. We like to consider ourselves a very non-coupley couple, in fact Lisa is almost a constant third wheel at our house and we love having people around but it's a completely different animal living with two sports fanatics under one roof. Dupree is quickly becoming the "other woman" in my life and here I am only 12 days into our modern version of Three's Company and I am being pushed to the edge. I have seen the 9th circle of hell...and it's called ESPN Classic. Together Nick and Dupree connect nightly over football games of yesteryear. Michigan vs. Michigan state 1981, USC vs. UCLA 1987, and who can forget Ohio State vs. Michigan 24 - 12 from 1969! Good thing that one's on so we can watch it for the 48th time!

I'd like to think I'm an above average "sports wife". I commit nearly 12 Saturdays in a row every year to this and do I complain?!? NO!! Ok, well only when it's cold, hot, rainy, snowy etc...but still, I sport the women's jersey, I don the temporary Go Blue tatoo's on my face, I even stay in on Friday nights so we can be well-rested and alert for the game the next day!

Is it not enough that I happily watch college football Thursday and Friday nights and ALL DAY SATURDAY, then sit through the misery that is the Detroit Lions?!? Do we really have to resort to watching games from the 1970's on ESPN Classic and Big Ten Network the rest of the week?!? I'm losing my mind and my husband!I may just have to move back in with Lisa so I can at least catch up on important shows like Gossip Girl, The Hills, Entourage, etc...I'll keep you posted but someone's life may be in danger...


Am I alone on this or do other wives/girlfriends/sisters have to suffer through this as well?

The Rockwitchu After Show...

Ok let me first offer this disclaimer: I am not a professional photographer or videographer so sorry about the shaky hands and blurryish pictures, I did my best while trying to recreate the "If" music video dance moves and you're only allowed to bring in pocket sized cameras so it's not a great format.

Now that we have that out of the way I can move onto describing our spectacular night with Miss Jackson. As you all know Lisa and I have been anxiously awaiting last night's show, even getting together a couple nights a week to perfect our synchronized stomps and shoulder pops to Rhythm Nation. Our faithful readers will remember the devastation we felt several weeks ago when we heard the show was cancelled but fortunately she rescheduled; unfortunately the show was rescheduled on a Tuesday instead of a Saturday so our plans for a big night out full of Cristal and caviar were forced to go down a notch.

So finally last night arrived and we were a little leery after hearing that LL Cool J dropped out of the concert at the last minute due to scheduling conflicts...you know, totally understandable since LL is super busy selling all those work-out videos, I double book concerts and exercise classes all the time and obviously Total Conditioning always wins over playing a concert scheduled 9 months ago! Anyway, forget LL, he hasn't even been relevant since the 90's.


We pulled up to the Palace 45 minutes after the opener was scheduled to start and were shocked to see the parking lot only half full, but no big deal we were there for Janet, not the other people! At 8:50pm the lights went down and out popped Janet in a bright yellow and metallic futuristic jumpsuit and a Mohawk about a foot high! Super Awesome!! She opened with Pleasure Principle and went right into a medley of Control and What Have You Done for Me Lately?

Janet has always been a great dancer but one thing was immediately clear...she had a lot more bounce in her booty! No longer does Janet run around the stage in midriff baring tops and booty shorts, she was completely covered up the entire time and for good reason, she's 41 and kind of chunky! Now she's still totally gorgeous and performs all the same great moves but she's definitely a different picture then any of her albums or public appearances portray and it really limited her wardrobe, (although she did manage about 7 costume changes!) most outfits were loose and billowy or designed to disguise her figure. Her WORST outfit by far was this "Sailor on Crack" number with a red corset, striped tank top and mini captain's hat sticking out of her mohawk...totally bizarre especially since it didn't relate to any of the songs during that set. She played 38 songs, mostly shortened versions or medleys and they were ALL hits which just goes

to show you what a powerhouse she's been over the last 30 years!! She's still got the singing chops and sounded great when she was actually singing, which we estimated to be between 50-60% of the time but seriously...have you ever seen the Miss You Much video? You try all those Pharaoh Pharaoh moves while singing, it's tough! My favorites were Escapade, Miss you Much, and obviously Rhythm Nation. My biggest critique of the whole concert is that she had to go and add a weird Jackson-ism to the show where she should probably just have trusted her producers. The place was rockin when she ended the regular show with Rhythm Nation and then she had this awkward skit where two of her dancers were trying to rip her in two directions and she was screaming for help and yelling, "no, no, leave me alone!" Then she disappeared through a hole in the floor and reappeared for her encore after a loooonnng pause and played two slower songs. She should have just gone out on Rhythm Nation!! Overall it was a great night and a great show, we shook our money makers all night long and there's no doubt that Janet is still a fantastic performer that anyone would enjoy seeing!

Ocean, crabs, and bathing suit malfuctions

Please see part 1 below if you're just tuning in to our vacation recap. As Leigh mentioned, the weather was not on our side for the first 24 hours of our vacay. As usual, we made the best of what was handed to us and found a pretty amazing drinking opportunity afterall. I'd actually take drinking beer in a fake British pub over sipping pina coladas by the beach anyday, but that's just me. Needless to say, Epcot rules in a far less dorky way than I remember. So after a long car ride back to New Smyrna (thanks Elise!), a detour at a rest stop, and at least 6 hours of quality sleep we awoke to sunny skies and miles of clear water. We tossed on our suits, grabbed our sunscreen and headed down to the beach. For me personally, I have a hard time really getting into beach time. I decided to forgo the layout for a little while by taking a long leisurely walk on the beach. There is nothing better than looking out and seeing nothing but ocean for as far as you can see.

I tried to find a giant conch shell or an old bottle containing some sort of treasure map, but the early morning walkers must have scooped up all the good stuff. After realising that I wasn't going on a treasure hunt and the sand was too wet to build a castle and there weren't any museums, malls, or karaoke bars within a 50 mile radius I decided to lay down on a chair next to my completely relaxed traveling partners. (At some point in my complete relaxation I forgot to put on sunblock...I might just go as a lobster for Halloween on Friday.) I could hardly hide my excitement when Leigh said "Does anyone want to go boogey boarding?" We grabbed our boards and headed down to the surf for some serious boarding action. I hadn't attempted the boogey board since My Little Pony bathing suits were the norm, so imagine my shock when the first wave knocked my bottoms completely off. Thankfully, we were the only three people within seeing distance, so the Girls Gone Wild moments were kept completely private. Elise didn't fare so well on her first few tries either. I could hardly stand up in the strong current without falling over laughing at Elise's popped top or Leigh's full moon action riding by me on a wave. Needless to say, our bikinis were not made for surfer girls. I think the only purpose our suits served was to collect piles of sand in places that sand should never go. I left the ocean that day feeling exhausted, exposed, and sandy...you know, the usual day at the beach.

Allow me to race through a few more activities in the following series: beach yoga instructed by Elise, pool swimming, ice cream for lunch, chips for dinner, horror movies till 2am, pillow fights, and long leisurely dinners. Then there was the crab hunt. I have never experienced something as close to nature as the New Smyrna Beach crab hunt. Leigh apparently is a frequent crab hunter and has even named several of them Chuck. I'm always up for an adventure, and a drunken night time crab hunt is as textbook adventure as you can get. We grabbed a couple flash lights, tossed on our flip flops and headed down to the dark cool shore in search of Chuck and his friends. I'm not versed on the habits of crabs, but in New Smyrna they really like to chill on the beach at night. It didn't take us long to find a few cousins of Chuck, and boy were they ever pleased to see us shining our flashlights and jumping up and down in excitment. The first photo is of an extra grumpy crab. He didn't appreciate us poking him (we wanted to see them run sideways), so he squiggled down into the sand and shot up his claw arms to scare us away. Instead we captured this amazing photo of a crab on attack. I think his claws could take off a small toe, so we smartly moved on. We found several baby crabs and more angry adult crabs running around hanging out. We thought we would never find big daddy Chuck when out of the darkness we spotted him. My first thought was "that is one huge crab", my second thought was "that is one huge crab getting it on with another crab!" Yes, we witnessed one of the miracles of nature, crab sex. As you can see by the picture it's really no different than the human variety. In the most traditional sense, it is conducted between two consenting crabs (in this case it appears to be a male and female) covered by the romantic darkness and soothing wave sound. I almost felt guilty for ruining their special moment with my giant flashlight and Leigh's digital camera. Big daddy crab and his woman didn't mind our flashing lights however, because they carried right on doing their crab love thing. It appears that they are enjoying what is typically known as "crab style" in this photo. It's supposedly all for the male crab partner, but there are rumors that with the right amount of time and attention the female crab has been known to enjoy it. I can only hope that we captured one of those moments. We're thinking about submitting this to the Planet Earth documentary people.

So our beach vacation had to come to an end and this was a nice way to wrap it up. Now we're freezing our arses off up here in the great cold North and it's not stopping anytime soon. I'll cherish the warm sunny memories all winter.

back in action...

We sipped...okay we gulped, we walked...okay we stumbled but either way we experienced Epcot in true Diva Style!

We woke up Friday morning to cloudy skies, drizzling rain, and huge waves crashing on the beach. With nothing but clouds in the forecast we decided to embrace our inner children and head for Epcot. Now you may not be a big believer in fate but I'd like to think everything happens for a reason and I have no doubt that we were cosmically sent to Epcot that day when I saw the billboard advertisement "Food and Wine Tasting Festival - At Epcot through Nov. 9". I have been to the Disney and Universal Parks more times then I can remember so the proposition of visiting again, (for Lisa and Elise's sake who hadn't been there in many years), did little to excite me until presented with the opportunity to drink around the world! Epcot is really the place to go if your group is all adults, they have several new rides that are fun for people of all ages but are definitely more geared toward ages 13 and up. We loved the GM Test Track ride where your car is put through bumps, sharp turns, braking at high speeds and a trip outside the building on a track that goes up to 65 miles per hour. Another great ride is Soarin' which simulates a hanglider experience over a floor to ceiling screen that takes you all over California's landscape, they even blow in the scent of evergreens when you are "flying" over the forests and the scent of oranges when you're soaring over the orange groves.

The thing about the older rides is that they seemed way cooler and more exciting when we were younger. The fake, mechanical dinosaurs in the Universe of Energy ride were once frightening and now seem old and make me wonder where the water that spits on us from the dinosaur nostrils has been...gross. And instead of being entranced by the lights and fog surrounding us I found myself thinking about how hard the damn seats were and what I had in my bag that could be thrown at the guy sitting behind us to stop him from breathing so loudly. At 8:45 we headed over to the World Showcase where 26 countries are represented by buildings and rides that surround a central lake. We grabbed some surprisingly delicious burritos and quesidillas along with a couple of Dos Equis and margaritas and watched the nightly "Illumination's" show which features fireworks, music, and a laser show. All of the brochures advertised that the park and rides closed at 9pm so we figured we would hustle around the long way so that Elise would at least get to walk by the the countries before we got kicked out. What we didn't realize is that the park stays open til midnight for people with "Magical Disney Points" who were supposedly given wristbands to stay late. We rolled our sleeves down to cover our wrists and began our wine-tasting tour of the world...we had Sauvignon Blanc in South Africa, Prosecco in Italy, Riesling in New Zealand and stopped off in a pub for a pint of Boddington's fresh off the tap. Epcot takes on a whole different vibe after 9pm when all the families have cleared out and the adults can relax and drink, it's romantic and charming...perfect for 3 ladies right?!? Well we toasted each other and the hot bartender Fabio from Italy and stumbled out of there around 11:30 pm after a very successful day.

Return to the North

We're back and we're cold. I believe Leigh is cooking up a nice thorough blog post about our 4 days in the sunshine (well, 3 days in the sunshine, one day in Epcot Center) She has ground-breaking photo evidence of the reproductive traditions of the Florida Saltwater Ocean Crab. In preview, allow me to say this: two crabs, one beach. Stay tuned for more updates as we get back into the swing of things this week. The fun never ends in diva-land...tonight we finally get to see Miss Jackson if you're nasty at the Palace! Life can't get any better.

arrival...

The Divas have arrived....in Florida that is! After a very bumpy flight on an extra cozy Air Tran plane we stepped off into Orlando International Airport at 8:30pm.  Baggage claim was a breeze until Elise was left standing alone next to an empty conveyor belt.  Fortunately her luggage was just a little delayed so we grabbed our way-too-heavy bags for only 4 days and headed off to find Thrifty car rental.  After riding the down escalator, which is always an adventure with large rolling bags, I stared at the seemingly endless counters of car rentals looking for Thrifty and after several minutes of walking around aimlessly figured out that the lot was a 10 minute shuttle ride away.  Despite my attempts at schmoozing the salesman into giving us a fully loaded Mustang convertible we walked to the parking lot expecting a Dodge Caliber (a really really ugly hatchback) but the cute young Venezuelan attendant mistakenly brought us a sweet SUV instead.  After hoping we could get away with the "upgrade" the young man realized his mistake and switched the cars but before we could get on the road he spoke in very broken English and asked for our "messenger".  We went round and round a few times trying to figure out what he wanted until Lisa hit on "facebook" and his face lit up! Louis Miguel Rodriguez is apparently a big fan of Facebook se he grabbed a brochure and asked Lisa to write down her name and number.  She only wrote down her name and we packed the car and drove off toward the guard shack to check out.  The guard asked us for our receipt and handed the brochure back with all of Louis's handwritten info on it...clever guy that Louis!  So we just arrived at our beach side condo with a car full of groceries and several pieces of luggage and discovered the elevator is temporarily broken, oh and did I mention it's raining and blowing like a hurricane right now?!? Two trips to the fourth floor later and we're settled in and trying to decide what to do with the next 4 days....  We're thinking going to Epcot and having a drink at every country around the world could really provide a new perspective on one of the Happiest places on earth!! Either way we'll keep you posted!   

Cheap and Chic...sort of

Ladies and Gentleman....drumroll please!! dadadadadadadadadadadad!!!! I anxiously await this magical day every Fall and it is finally here! It is a glorious day when girls can feast their eyes on makeup perfection. Every late October MAC cosmetics unveils their Holiday Gift Sets and the alert arrived in my email box just minutes ago!! The MAC Holiday Sets are worth being on the email list for alone!! MAC is my favorite makeup collection for anything involving color, I use other products for "face" stuff but when it comes to eye shadows, blushes, glosses, and lipsticks MAC is in a class of it's own. The color you see is literally the color that goes on your face and if you've ever walked up to the MAC counter or into one of their stores you remember the rainbow of mesmerizing colors they offer in pigment-rich vibrant hues.

This year's collection plays on a "Red" Theme and the casing is once again a work of art on it's own. Year's past have included ornate gold casing reminiscent of vintage makeup compacts, sleek jewel tone metallic casing, and a black tie theme with different velvet, velour, and satin jeweled cases. Under their Passions of Red Collection you will find 4 eye shadow compact choices that each include 6 different shades. My personal favorite is always the cool eyes collection, this year it's named Infatuating Rose, and it contains shades of purple, plum, rose and navy. They also have five lip compact collections that feature 2 lipsticks and a gloss and all sets come with their own lip brush. In their "Adoring Carmine" collection you can find three choices of small drawstring purses that come with two full-sized lipsticks and a mini lipglass. Scroll down and you will find 3 brush sets, one basic, one for face and one with eye brushes. If you don't own any of MAC's makeup brushes then spend your money on their eye brush set. They are widely known for having a fantastic line of eye brushes and you can't beat the price of 5 for $49.50 when usually they're $14.50-$36.00 a piece. That's there the cheap but chic comes in. MAC already sells at a very affordable price point but if it seems like a lot to spend $14.50 on one pot of color then their Holiday Sets are the way to go because you get 6 colors for $38.00!!! You can't beat that and keep in mind that department store cosmetics NEVER go on sale so this really is the best deal you can get. So head on out to your nearest MAC store or check it out online because MAC gift sets are the hottest holiday ticket in makeup and they sell out every year before Thanksgiving ever arrives. Cheers to our makeup Divas out there!!

Hump Day Hottie

Once again, the mid-week excitement is upon us! I thought about going really big for this week's edition, maybe pulling a Brad Pitt out of the bag or even an Orlando Bloom. Then I thought, too obvious, stick with the current events and give some love to the men who might not make it on the cover of People (at least on their own). And I think we can all agree that this guy needs a bit of TLC right now. Chances are he's needed a womanly touch for a while, but one can only assume that he wasn't getting it from his control freak diva supreme wife Madonna. Especially since she was likely hitting a few home runs with Mr. A Rod. Poor Guy Ritchie needs us at a time like this. He's been overshadowed by Madge for some many years that his ego must be the size of her appetite (very very small). I feel that it's my duty to highlight his natural hotness and his personal accomplishments outside of her shadow. It's the least I can do. Without further ado:



Physical Fitness: 5/10 - You might notice that I've selected a fully clothed photo of our man of the hour. That was completely intentional. He really doesn't have a bad body or any sort of deformity to speak of, but it's a little mooshy smushy for a shirtless pic. I don't think British men are really into body building, so he is forgiven in my book. He's a beer-drinking pub-visiting type so you can expect a few extra pounds here and there. Now he gets a full 5 points for how snazzy he looks in a suit. I was hoping to find a hot suit picture, but shock! all of the suit pics feature his soon-to-be ex-wife. I'm guessing he only dressed up to please her and to attend her many red carpet events. If he had it his way (soon enough!), I have a feeling he would never wear a suit again. That would be a shame.

Body of Work: 8/10 - Some might think that's a high rating for someone whose most well-known role is playing husband, but hear me out. He has directed two of the most clever and beloved British gangster shoot em up movies ever: Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels and Snatch. Yes, things started going down the drain for Guy after his marriage. Someone told Madonna she could act so he created a couple films for her and of course they both tanked. The things we do for love. Recently though it's all looking up for him with his new release RocknRolla starring Gerard Butler, Jeremy Piven and Thandie Newton (not bad). Finally, he gets extra points in this category for buying a pub in London...nothing cooler than that.

Mental Stimulation: 6/10 - Guy overcame dyslexia to become one of the most well-known British film directors. He's been able to play it cool with the Kabbalah bandwagon, and he emotionally supported one of the craziest women in the world through the last 8 years of their marriage. He seems like someone who you'd want to have a chat with over a pint and that's enough mental stimulation for me.

Bonus for being British: +1

Overall Hotness Factor: 20/30! Not bad for a guy who keeps his private life private and hasn't dated any supermodels in the last 8 years. Let's just hope that he gets out of this divorce unscathed and accumulates a large sum of her fortune. I'm sure there are two sides to every story, but I wouldn't want to mess with Madge. God bless him.

The Rules of Attraction

In honor of my previous entry about the show "The Pick-up Artist" (and mostly because I just watched a show on spiders and I don't want to go downstairs to do my laundry), I am going to share with you my most cherished pick-up story. Now before you think bad of me and judge me on my loose morals, allow me to tell you that I've never met a pick-up line that I liked. I'm usually too busy acting like an idiot at the bar to even notice that there are other people around let alone possible suitors. So it is a rare occurrance when I come into direct contact with any sort of pick-up, at least as far as I'm aware. So, with that in mind, my most favorite pick-up line moment obviously happened in a very unusual circumstance and in one where I was completely caught off guard and unprepared. Cornered is actually a better way of phrasing it. The pick-up attempt happened at one of my most favorite locations in all of Michigan (no not Somerset Mall), but the amazing John K. King Used Bookstore in Detroit. If you've been there, then you're awesome, but if not allow me to explain in brief the layout of this store. It's not so much a store as an old glove-making factory/warehouse. I believe it has 5 or so floors and over a million used books shelved in the countless floor to ceiling cases. There is a check-out counter on the main entry level where the one or two employees will hang out and then a tall flight of old concrete stairs leading up to each floor. On a slow day, and I've never been there on a busy one, you might be the only person on any given floor. The lighting situation is about as rustic as you would expect for an old turn-of-the-century factory. Besides the natural light coming in from the windows there is one single lightbulb in each row that the customer is expected to turn on by pulley cord when browsing and turn off when finished. It's absolute book heaven. One can hardly see from one end of a floor to another on a cloudy day. It's quieter than a library and more peaceful than a funeral home - that is unless someone decides to interrupt your peace and quiet.

So there I was one day, oh probably 6 or 7 years ago, browsing the fiction shelves on floor 3. I hadn't noticed anyone around when I walked up the stairs, so I assumed that it was just me and the smelly old books. Suddenly I hear footsteps in the aisle behind mine. I glanced up from my book to catch a glimpse of a windbreaker rounding the corner and facing me dead on. The gentleman standing in front of me was clearly not interested in checking out the M row and was merely making an attempt to browse closer to my general area. It only took a few seconds to take him in: the velcro shoes, the Docker pants, the Coke bottle thick glasses and yes, the fanny pack. Embarrassed for staring, I nervously smiled and put the book back on the shelf intending to make a swift exit. He blocked my path and let it fly: "Hey, I couldn't help noticing that I'm attractive and you're also attractive. It seems like we have a lot in common. We should go out sometime." Before I could fully decipher his pick-up line/personal compliment, I mumbled something about having a boyfriend (always a lie) and scooted past him ever so gracefully. I bolted down the 3 flights of stairs without looking back and didn't stop until I was safely inside my vehicle.

Now I'm sure this all sounds a bit dramatic for what was likely a harmless attempt at flattery, but the dark, creepy surroundings, the pin-drop silence, and the fact that if he murdered me up there I probably wouldn't have been found for days, all played into this being my most uncomfortable pick-up experience. He was likely a nice middle aged guy who just happened to wear a fanny pack and I was just a freaked out 20-year-old girl. Who knows. That fact remains, however, that he broke one of Mystery's rules: never approach a lady directly from the front. It seems aggressive and is likely to intimidate her, especially if no one is within screaming distance and you're in an old warehouse in Detroit.

My love for John K. King Books remains unbroken. If you have even a slight interest in books, then you have to visit this store. They have a website so do some googling. If you go, you'll see exactly what I mean. Oh and I did hear that floor 4 is haunted. Something about an angry old glove-maker who just really likes to read. Check it out!

Driving Diva Goes Down...

I'm writing this post with a heavy heart and a majorly dented ego. I'm actually hesitant to blog about this because I feel quite embarrassed but I figure it's restitution for my carelessness and an attempt at righting my karma with the open road. Previous to last night's "incident" I considered myself to be one bad ass driver. I can't remember the last time I had a speeding ticket, parking ticket, accident, etc...and just the other day I gave Nick a hard time about driving recklessly in downtown Plymouth after he received his second speeding ticket in a short amount of time. I have even been known to brag about how great I am at driving while applying mascara on my way to work (daily!), fumbling in the back seat for a CD, (N'Sync of course!), eating and yes I do mean squeezing out little strands of ketchup onto each fry. I have actually changed every piece of clothing while driving as well and I've been proud of it!! Until now that is... last night on my way home from the gym and with nothing better to do then drive I figured it would be a good idea to use up one of my 3-pack of T-Mobile Hifi ringers on searching for Earth, Wind, & Fire's "September" which is one of my fav songs. I downloaded the ringer and was about 1/8 mile from home, driving in my neighborhood and turned left onto Robinwood a little too wide when my phone chirped with the sound of "September" and the next thing I new I was being thrown back in my seat! I looked up in disbelief as I saw the left rear of a silver Ford Taurus wagon a little too close in my headlights. I had taken one second to look at my phone and plowed into a neighbor's car. I was so shocked and immediately threw my phone on the floor because I instantly knew how careless and stupid I had just been. Granted it was dark and rainy and the car was parked way out in the right lane...none of that really matters because if I had been watching more carefully to what was in front of me instead of who was emailing or calling me on my dumb cell phone I wouldn't have hit a parked car!!! Thankfully the family was very nice and Melissa, the 16 year old daughter with the wit of Juno cracked jokes about how her "dragon wagon" would be restored to it's glory so I didn't need to fret. It could have been a lot worse, I could have hit someone rather then something! I know this post is on the serious side and lacks our usual humorous take on a situation but I felt compelled to warn others by describing my own mistake. Just be careful please! No text message or email or phone call is worth reaching for if it means you risk losing control of your vehicle!

The Greatest Pick-Up Ever

Mystery. Does that name mean anything to you? Does it conjure up images of a tall, dark and handsome reality TV star with just a tiny penchant for items of flair? If not, you are clearly missing out on one of the joys of life: the VH1 series "The Pick-Up Artist." Earlier this year, I stumbled upon this treasure wholly unprepared for what it would offer me as a viewer. The name sounded catchy enough, but the real draw was the star of the show Mystery. What man can go by the name Mystery and not be run out of town? The same man who can rock a black fuzzy top hat with eye-protecting safety goggles. Yes, he is prepared at all times for whatever this world will throw at him, whether it be an all night rave or an underwater adventure. Make no mistake, Mystery has the answer. And the answer to picking up the ladies is what he gives to the hopeless contestants of his reality show.

Mystery wasn't always the dapper ladies man that you see on television. At some point in his life, he woke up and realized that he was just a tall, gangly nerd with a bad video game habit. He was 30-years-old and living in his parent's basement with no female conquests to his name and no self-esteem. He needed a change. Legend has it that one October he got in his car and drove to the nearest Halloween store intending to replace his broken Jedi Sword when the idea struck him. He would purchase every gaudy, cheesy, desperate accessory in the store and wear them all at once! Surely if he was wearing eyeliner and medallions the ladies would finally notice him! As the story goes, the plan worked marvelously and before he knew it he had an entire entourage of lame, sad guys following him around to the clubs. They wanted a piece of Mystery's mystery and all they had to do was buy it from Spencer's Gifts. It was so easy. As word spread all over the country of this modern day Casanova, VH1 came calling. They couldn't resist his charms or his flashing belt buckle, so they immediately gave him his own reality show with the hopes that all the regular joe tools would buy into Mystery's bag of tricks. And buy into it they did.

Now we can all watch in awe as Mystery and his sidekick Matador teach the young impressionable boys how to get noticed and get a number. Makeovers are the first step since none of the guys have ever set foot in a salon, let alone dyed their hair a brilliant shade of purple. Outrageous clothing and Hot Topic accessories complete the trifecta of coolness. All that is left is the attitude. On the inside these guys are crying for their mommies, but on the outside they are taught to project an attitude of "high value." According to Mystery, the key to success with the young single club crowd is the high value brush off. Even though a contestant is taught to rudely intrude on conversation amongst a group of girlfriends, he must do so by making the ladies feel as if he's doing them a favor by standing awkwardly by their table staring at their breasts. Usually the guys start conversation with one of their rehearsed "openers" such as "Do you think Mick Jagger is hot?" or "How do you feel about tattoos?" or even the favorite "I can't stand here long because my friends are waiting, but would you ever date a guy named Herman?" Fascinating! I think I've heard that Herman line a few times myself and I can tell you that it really works. Some of my best nights have started with a thoughtful conversation about the benefits of dating Hermans. Clearly Mystery is doing the "single and dating" world a huge favor. Without his tips and tricks, I don't think there would be any interesting or attractive men to talk to while I'm getting sloshed at the bar. Certainly no one would be wearing glow in the dark necklaces and that would be a crime. If you'd like to experience the master at work, tune in to the second season of "The Pick-Up Artist" everyday on VH1. It doesn't really matter what time you turn it on because it's just on all the time. Men, watch and learn. Ladies, watch and learn how to avoid becoming a victim. It's fascinating stuff.

Deleted from our dictionary...

This probably won't come as a surprise to our female readers out there but seeing as how so many guys like to overuse this word just to annoy us I'll mention it just in case there's someone left out there who doesn't realize we hate it. The word of the week is "Moist". The sound of it is enough to make me vomit, the meaning of it well, obviously there are many meanings that conjure up a number of gross images. The "sss" sound just before the "tuh" just makes for a really dirty sounding word and throw an -ness on it to make "moistness" and I'll start dry-heaving! There's been an ongoing battle over the usage of this word, girls hate it and guys seem to enjoy making us squirm by using this word whenever possible and god forbid you have to go down the baking aisle at the grocery store and pass all the "moist chocolate fudge brownies" and "Super Moist Banana Nut Muffins" because you have to know at least 3 of those will end up in the basket just because they contain the word "moist" and then you'll be forced to hear nothing but jokes about whipping up some super moisssttt brownies later...ick!! So guys give us a break on this one, I bet "Moist" would be #1 on the list of words girls hate so stop using it and we'll all be better off! In fact we'll make you a deal, you stop using the word "moist" and we'll stop using your least favorite word..."commitment"

W.

I'm really grumpy today and I couldn't figure out why. I thought maybe it was the annoying updates on facebook that have begun to affect me personally (what really happens when you join a "group" on there?? I'm dying to know), or maybe I was just having a severe case of the Mondays. After I spent a few hours in personal reflection, I realized it was just the after effect of seeing W. yesterday. I know it's cool now to not be a fan of George W. Bush even for those who actually voted for him in 2004, but for me this movie was like watching one of your worst days played over and over for 3 hours on a giant screen. The movie itself was great and I really enjoyed it, but the subject matter totally increased my cynical nature to near dangerous levels. I think it was the final straw in my information overload breakdown. Thank goodness that I'm going to Florida this weekend for a little R&R time...I'm starting to depress myself.

So W. the movie. I'm no professional film critic, in case you were suspicious, and I don't want to ruin anything for anyone who hasn't seen it yet. Although I will say this: at the end of the movie, we're still at war and he's still president. I got a bit excited during the pretzel choking scene, but then I remembered that Oliver Stone couldn't write his own ending and actually had to base this mostly on reality. Which is why it's so freaking frustrating. You know that feeling when you're at a store and you're getting terrible customer service? You're trying to pay for something that is on sale, but they charge you full price and you say "hey, this was supposed to be on sale" and the cashier goes "no one told me about a sale" and then starts asking around to the other cashiers and no one knows about the sale, can't find the ad for the sale, and basically won't acknowledge that there was a sale to begin with? You're left standing there wondering how such complete morons could ever get a job anywhere and no matter how many people in charge you talk to, you don't get a single straight answer. That's kinda how the movie portrays Bush's cabinet of advisers. Once it's discovered that there aren't WMD's, everyone puts their head down and starts doodling in their notebooks (literally, Karl Rove can really draw). No one accepts blame for the misinformation or offers up an apology. It's like a bunch of 5th graders on the playground pointing their finger at everyone else. Totally and completely frustrating to watch. Outside of this, the movie is mostly about W.'s overwhelming daddy issues. They would lead you to believe that it drives every single thing he ever does in his entire life. At one point he wants to be president to make his Poppy proud and in the next breath it's like a giant F You to the old man. Whatever it is, it makes you think that if only his dad would have been proud of him for being the simple, unmotivated guy he was, none of this would have ever happened. Instead we've all been dragged into this family squabble for the last 8 years.

I don't know about you all, but I'm checking out now. I'll go to the polls on November 4th and do my duty, but that's it. I'm not watching any news or reading CNN or god-willing letting a single political thought cross my mind. It's going to be hard to avoid the Sarah Palin costumes on Halloween, but I'll do my best.

The Week in Review

Happy Friday y'all (said in my Britney Spears voice). It's been a busy week in celebrity land and I'd like to spend a few minutes going over the top breaking news flashes of the week that was October 13th.

- Madonna and Guy Ritchie to divorce! This probably wasn't that shocking to anyone who follows gossip blogs as passionately as I do. It's been a long time coming for the 50-year-old from Detroit and her British hubby. Word on the street is that Madge is already hooking up with Yankees superstar "insert position here" Alex Rodriquez who apparently goes by the nickname "A Rod." They are a match made in Kabbalah heaven.

- David Duchovny and Tea Leoni to divorce! This was even slightly less shocking than Madonna's split. One thing I've learned by reading Perez Hilton is that rehab is just the beginning of the story. Duchovny recently spent some time at a luxury resort (I mean rehab facility) to treat his "sex addiction." Poor guy. I really can't blame him for getting a little wild and crazy after all those years spent as the dark and brooding Moulder guy on X Files. So what if he's taking his swinging man about town role a little too seriously on Californication. Method acting can pay off big time come award season. Tea should just stick by her man and deal with it...oh wait...she can't because she was cheating on David with Billy Bob Thornton??? What woman in Hollywood can resist the charms of Mr. Billy Bob?!

- MTV to air tell-all documentary on Brit Brit! - It's called Britney: For the Record (Nov. 30) and it's supposed to be her side of the trainwreck. So far the only snippet I've heard is a quote from the Britster herself: "What the hell was I thinking?" Indeed.

- Sarah Palin to appear on SNL this weekend! - SNL really scored a home run with the Tina Fey impersonations and it doesn't look like they're stopping anytime soon. Politics is good for one thing and one thing only: comedy. I just hope she really impresses Lorne Michaels. She's going to need a job in a few weeks.

- Angelina and Brad to adopt again! - I think they should do everyone a favor and adopt that brat Miley Cyrus. The girl has a split personality disorder, is making crappy TV shows/music/movies that are destroying any chance of your kid turning out cool, and is apparently sleeping with a 20-year-old model. Take her back to France with you and put her to work babysitting. She can come out when she's had time to reflect on what she's done.

Well, it's 5pm on Friday and you know what that means!! Everyone have a great weekend, stay out of jail, and make some memories.

Working it out...

So I'm starting to think that the name of our blog should have been something more like...dyingtobitchabouteverything.com since we seem to make fun of just about everyone and everything but hey, you can't suppress natural talent! So in the name of not breaking our trend I would like to describe yet another gym pet peeve and while I can really only give it from a girls perspective, since I'm a girl and it's a Women's locker room, I'd really love to hear some guy comments on whether this stuff happens in the boy's locker room.

So as many of you know Lifetime Fitness is a massive fitness/recreation complex that has facilities all over the country. I attend one because it's a really nice gym and they have tons to offer like free classes, a large variety of exercise equipment, a clean environment, nice pools and hot tubs and very nice locker rooms. One major plus about the locker rooms is that they are huge and everyone gets a locker and there are always available showers and towels which are provided by the gym. In between the rows of lockers are these big wooden benches where everyone sets their stuff before putting it in a locker or people sit on them to change or put lotion on, etc... Well just the other day I was minding my own business, jamming to the tunes of Christina Aguilera on my ipod while walking to my usual row of lockers after a long workout when I turned the corner and was suddenly filled with horror. Sitting on the bench, WITHOUT A TOWEL underneath her naked A$$ was a 40ish woman with legs spread wide, picking something out of her very bushy Vajayjay!!

1. Hygiene: I know you're tired from a long hard workout but it is most definitely NOT OKAY to sit on the benches we ALL have to use without placing a towel underneath your nether regions! Who knows whats on that bench and worse, who knows what she might be leaving on it, eww, I'm cringing just thinking about it!!!

2. You join a gym and you have to expect that you're going to see women walking to and from the shower in their birthday suits which is no big deal! And hey...it is, after all, a ladie's only locker room where obviously we all have the same anatomy, (for the most part...some saggier and lower then others); however, I think you could consider the line crossed at sitting on the bench doing a thorough inspection only your gynecologist should perform! I don't need to see where your reddish auburn pubic hair line stops and I definitely don't pay $60 a month to watch you search for lice, crabs or even pirate's gold in your treasure chest!! Leave that for the privacy of your home please!

People just don't get it! There is an etiquette to follow and I pledge to blog on and on about the horrific things I witness at the gym if it saves just one person from having to endure the psychological trauma that I did!

You're AUT! (Project Runway spoiler alert)

Those were the two phenomenal words that Ms. Heidi Klum spoke to psycho biatch Kenley last night on the season finale of Project Runway. Finally. Was Kenley not the most annoying PR contestant of all-time?! Sure the girl had talent, but her horrible attitude just overshadowed everything she did on the entire show. I completely understand that some people are just born with annoying voices and they are just as god made them, but she should think twice when opening that overly made up mouth of hers. Especially to Uncle Tim. When you mess with Uncle Tim, you get auffed. I can't wait to watch the footage again of the moment when Kenley realized that Tim Gunn was one of the Bryant Park judges...oopsies, someone feels like an a-hole! Anyhoo, for me personally it was a really close contest between the three ladies. Going into the night I was rooting for little Leanne (someone get the girl a blow dryer), but after seeing all of the collections I really didn't care who won. I just wanted Kenley gone because of her horrible attitude and that ridiculous tree on top of her head.

My favorite outfit from the regular season was the black two-piece skirt/top combo that Leanne made for the Saturn challenge (I think). It was the first time we saw her "petal" work in action. And sure enough she loved it so much that she practically used it throughout her entire collection. Her colors were much more muted and neutral than Kenley's or Korto's, but it paid off with the judges. I have to admit that Kenley's hand painting technique is pretty badass and the girl knows how to sew. I really enjoyed Korto's color scheme (bright and fun), except for that one beigey crinkley short dress...yuck. Uncle Tim loved it though, so I'm definitely missing something. Overall, I think this season was lacking in serious talent. The competition as a whole wasn't on the same level as the previous seasons and the cattiness could be taken up a notch or twelve. I'm just relieved that they are likely leaving the show on Bravo, and not moving to Lifetime, for next season (which I hear might start in January). I wasn't too excited about watching PR and seeing previews for Army Wives. I've posted three pics from last night's competition (top to bottom: Leanne, Kenley, Korto). They are my favs from each designer...what were yours??

1000 hits in two weeks!

Ladies and Gentleman, I blog before you now on this momentous day in blogging history. Some said it couldn't be done. Some said we wouldn't last two days...we weren't fit to blog, we were too diva-like, too materialistic, too out-of-touch with the common diva. Well, it is with great humility and extreme curiosity (seriously, who the eff is reading this?!) that I electronically stand before you now with my partner in diva crime Leigh and say Thank You. Thank you for clicking on this link 1000 amazing times in the last two weeks. Thank you for inflating our egos to the point of no return. Thank you for laughing at my eHarmony adventures and Leigh's marital experiences (props to Nick for not only being our biggest supporter, but also fodder for so much material). We're just two regular bisatches from the cold, hard streets of Plymouth. If it weren't for blogging who knows what would have happened to us. I shudder when I think of the alternatives...the countless hours of actual work that would have been done, the exercise I could have accomplished, the episodes of Dancing With the Stars that I wouldn't have missed. Our lives have been enriched by this blog, and we can only hope that in some small itty bitty way, yours have been too. So we thank you, our dear faithful (most likely creepy old guy) readers. You've made two wannabe divas' day.

Hump Day Hotness

Today's pick for hottie of the week might come as a surprise and some may be shocked to learn that he's still alive and working in the entertainment industry after a slew of poor film choices in the 90's but I can assure you that Christian Slater has been anything but dull over the last 15 years. He has starred in over 40 movies and many Broadway plays but may have peaked to early in his career when he took on the role of Nick, Fred Savages older step-brother from The Wizard, why couldn't he just save Jenny from drowning?!? After that brilliant performance he made several hit or miss movies including Pump Up the Volume, one of my all time favorite movies Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves where he played the very sexy but troubled brother of Robin, Will Scarlett. Then there was Interview With a Vampire, Bed of Roses, and yet another horrendous action flick by John Travolta, Broken Arrow, which I'm ashamed to admit I actually saw in the theater! But enough about his movie career, his personal life is sooo much more interesting, he's a full fledged Hollywood bad boy! I had to cut and paste this excerpt from a bio on him, "In 1989, he was arrested in West Hollywood for leading the police on a drunken car chase that ended when Slater crashed his car into a telephone pole. While trying to escape the car, he kicked a cop with his cowboy boot (love how they describe the type of shoe he's wearing!!) and then attempted to flee over a fence(apparantly he didn't quite make it all the way over). In 1994, he was arrested for taking a gun aboard a plane. In 1997, Slater was arrested for attacking his lover and (this is the best part!) biting a police officer in the belly, (the belly? seriously!? who tries to bite someones belly?!? Why not an ear or something easier to sink your teeth into?!?) while drinking heavily; he was sentenced to spend 90 days in a suburban jail in early 1998, all this just one day after his newest film, Hard Rain, premiered. Shortly after sentencing, Slater admitted that he had also been taking cocaine and heroin at the time. As part of his sentence, he had to serve post-jail time in a drug/alcohol rehab program and attend a year-long program on preventing domestic violence. How's that for keeping a low profile?

Physical Fitness: 3/10 Well there's a reason I didn't pick a picture of him shirtless...first of all he's like 4 ft tall and second I only found a few pics of him shirtless and while he's decently toned it's tough to focus on what's underneath all that hair!

Body of Work: 6/10: I'd like to give him an 11 for his staggering voiceover performance as Pips the fairy in the cartoon classic Ferngully: The Last Rainforest but he's totally inconsistent in the rest of his work. He's starred in some successful movies like Robin Hood, Bobby, Heathers and True Romance but he's also starred in several huge bombs such as Untamed Heart and Bed of Roses and Windtalkers.

Mental Stimulation: 2/10 Let's see, he's a wife beater, a former drug addict, he runs from the cops and really doesn't do anything noteworthy for charity or good causes...that's not exactly the type of mentally stimulating we're looking for.

Overall Hotness Factor: 11 - Ok, so maybe he's not our best pick yet but I caught the first half of My Own Worst Enemy on NBC and was definitely intrigued. It brought back moments of lust over Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves and I thought maybe, just maybe he's still got time to wow us!

eHarmony Update - OMFG

Yesssss...I knew it. I knew if I kept reading the profiles and searching long and hard I would find him. I knew he was there and I knew he couldn't hide it. I, of course, am referring to the Dungeons and Dragons guy!! I heard rumors that this game still existed and that actual living breathing grown men still played. Now it wasn't clearly obvious at first glance. I was browsing my profiles closing communication with match after match (my hotmail inbox is almost full and things are getting out of control), when I stumbled upon Matthew. His opening line about beating depression and coming out the other side alive really had me at hello. Disclaimer: I'm not making light of his struggle, but I do think there are certain things one shouldn't list on an eHarmony profile for all the online dating world to see. Clinical depression is probably one of those things. But on I kept reading and it just got more and more interesting. I think I'll just quote the entire "Some additional information Matthew wanted you to know" section:
"I am into DD, and if you don't know what that means you probably aren't. It is something that is going to be apart of my life, and if that doesn't scare you away that is great. I am also, for lack of a better term, adventurous when it comes to my bedroom interests. I am straight and monogamous, but I do like trying different things."

Fantastic Matthew! Thanks for that. I admit upon first and second read I had no idea what DD was. I thought maybe he really liked to be a designated driver (which made me almost reconsider closing the communication - could have been handy). Then it hit me: the mysterious Dungeons and Dragons. I'm all for learning new and exciting things in my dating life, but a game where I have to dress up like a druid princess is not one of them. Once I got over the DD part, I could focus all of my attention on his sexual confession. It's probably hard to believe, but he's the first guy who has actually admitted intimate details on his profile page. He's not holding back. Well, at least the lucky lady that communicates with Matthew will be well informed about all of his habits and adventures. I, on the other hand, will leave him free to DD.

Diary of a Newlywed....homeowner tales

A few months ago I was looking forward to jointly owning a home with my hubbie, now I see what an ignorant fool I was. So far as the "homeowning" goes it's been mostly cleaning, remodeling, tiling, weeding, fixing, etc...and somehow I seem to always get the worst jobs! Now granted Nick and I don't have your typical husband/wife relationship, he enjoys cooking while I enjoy organizing and fixing stuff, like a leaky faucet or something simple. In fact, let me share one of my favorite stories with you to illustrate this point, (sorry Nick, you know I love you!), early on in our relationship I came over to see his new home and was excited to see he had a garbage compacter, (it's the simple things in life people!), so I flicked the on button to see it work and nothing happened. Nick wasn't present so I mentioned it later and watched as he walked over to the sink, turned on the water and flipped the switch for the garbage disposal which of course whirred into action. I wasn't sure if he heard me correctly so I repeated myself and said, "no honey, I said the garbage compacter isn't working." He looked at me quizzically and flipped the switch on the garbage disposal again letting the noise go on for a few seconds as if to prove me wrong. To say I was dumbfounded is a bit of an understatement, I mean who doesn't know the difference between the garbage disposal and compacter?!? Turns out he didn't even know he had a garbage compacter and he didn't know what to do with it. I tried to show him how it worked even though the damn thing wouldn't turn on but I think it was wasted on him; apparently he prefers good ole trash bags sitting on the floor. And who doesn't thoroughly enjoy the sight of Taco Bell and Subway remains spilling out onto the kitchen floor!?! So nearly 4 years have gone by since initially trying to use the garbage compacter and the poor thing has just sat there allegedly broken, according to Nick, who wouldn't call in a repair service to have anyone take a look at it. Well imagine my surprise when just the other day I flicked it on for the helluva it and it came right to life!! I don't know if it needed a break, I don't know if Nick ever actually tried using it in the last 3.5 years but it miraculously compacts like a champ!! So now I'm totally in love with it, I love seeing how it takes an empty Metamucil bottle, which we have weekly thanks to Nick's fiber addiction, and a few empty cereal boxes and compacts it into practically nothing, it's amazing!!! I just wish I could get Nick on board because he all but refuses to switch over to it! Is it really that difficult or time-consuming to step on the lever that causes the compacter to slide out?? Just do it! I'm going to try hiding the regular trash bags and can and see if he'll use the compacter or just dump his trash on the floor...I'm not optimistic!

Sports Desk...

"It sucks to be a Michigan Wolverine" If you're familiar with this UofM war chant you're probably well aware that it's supposed to go, "Its great to be a Michigan Wolverine!" But no sober fan could possibly think it's great to be Wolverine after Saturday's performance against the Toledo Rockets. Toledo is a lovely Ohio city, especially considering it resides in the suckiest U.S. state ever created, but it is not known for its football greatness. It is a MAC school which basically means it's a step up from Friday Night Lights, okay so that's a bit of an exaggeration but still! Most fans thought they wouldn't have to endure a more humiliating game then losing to Appalachian State in the home opener last year; well at least they were only one division lower and turned out to be the best in their division! Toledo has only won 2 of 4 games this season and if you don't have an idea of the gravity of this win please go to their home website (http://utrockets.com/), it's the entire homepage and you actually have to click off of it to get to their academic page! The Wolverines are now 2-4, not so great for a "elite" football program and the bleeding doesn't stop here...no, the hemorrhaging has only just begun with the undefeated Penn State Nittany Lions, Michigan State, Northwestern, Minnesota and that little team with the all star quarterback Terrell Pryor -Ohio State left to play. I'm starting to think I should wash my blues and maizes together and hope they turn into greens while I quietly defect and become a Sparty fan since they seem to have figured out how to win a few games.

And if Saturday wasn't bad enough, you can always depend on the Lions to ruin your Sunday. They even managed to tease their poor, beat down fans by keeping the game close but they couldn't hold on to the win long enough to beat the Minnesota Vikings.

In other sports news, we Detroiters can at least take solace in the fact that the Red Wings always have our backs. In last weeks home opener the 2008 Stanley Cup Champion banner was raised to the rafters giving them their first championship since 2002, go Wings!

Unfortunately I didn't get down on the field last weekend so no chance for the atta boys...still 2 games left and I am committed to making it happen!!

Beer

We recently had a request from one of our readers, who happens to go by the screen name Awesome, for a beer review post. I happily agreed to write about something that our poor tortured male readers would be interested in checking out. FYI: We are trying to expand our horizons and reach beyond the usual girl chatter, so we will embrace guy topics like football, beer, hot chicks, and tacos. Keep those requests coming.

Today, I have good news and bad news for you, Awesome. Good news: I did drink beer this weekend and enjoyed several different varieties. Bad news: I don't remember the name of a single one. Well, that's not exactly true. I went back to the old standby Newcastle for a couple pints. Otherwise, I really broke some new ground on the beer drinking front. I tried an international tasting sampler at the Box Bar in Plymouth that featured 4 different selections from their vast and beautiful cooler of beer. I liked letters A, B, and C, but didn't enjoy D that well. Wait - the name of D just came back to me. It was Lindeman's Cassis, which tasted almost exactly like Lindeman's Framboise. It was fruity and juicy and not something one would want in a pint. I think many ladies who don't normally enjoy beer would like Lindeman's Framboise or Cassis because of the raspberry flavor, so it probably has an audience.

My beer review is really sucking right now so here is my promise. I will go back to the Box Bar sometime soon with a pad of paper and take notes. I don't have any technical knowledge whatsoever, so the review will likely consist of drinkability ratings or maybe just alcohol content. We'll see what happens. In the meantime, I highly suggest visiting the Box Bar to try out the beverages for yourself. It doesn't have much in the way of ambiance (unless you like flourescent lighting and giant screen TVs), but the beer list will not disappoint. Try playing my favorite "Around the World" drinking game. You flip open the beer binder, close your eyes and point. No peeking. Whichever beer your finger lands on is the one that you have to drink. Yes, Pakistani beers are fair game! You might just find a diamond in the rough or you might never drink again. Either way, it's an adventure!

Karma Karma Karma Karma Karma Chameleon

I did it. I took my bad karma and turned it right around. I've had a very productive Saturday (the norm for us non-football fans). I went to Target to purchase a new cloth mop for cleaning my hardwood floors - cause that's what I do. I ended up walking out of there with $100 of other things - damn you Target and your aisles of useless crap. I even walked out of there with a jumbo package of toilet paper that I maybe sorta forgot to pay for. In my defense, it was on the bottom of the cart and no one brought it to my attention. Not even the helpful rent-a-cop at the front entrance. I didn't notice until I was already unloading my new shirt and Halloween costume for my dog. Immediate reaction is always, "crap, did anyone notice?" Then you move into the "well it's only toilet paper" phase and quickly decide that somehow the world owes you this $7.00 package of Quilted Northern. I'm sure at some point I overpaid $7.00 at Target for something! But being the righteous and just person that I am, I couldn't live with myself any longer. Plus, I realized that this was a golden opportunity to get my clearly terrible karma back on track. So on I went back into the store with the 12-pack of Tee Pee, walked right past Mr. observant rent-a-cop and stepped into the express line. I felt so proud of myself I even tossed in another pack of Trident as a reward. With all of my legal purchases loaded up I proceeded on to my next good deed of the day. I donated a giant trash bag full of clothes to some charity box on the side of the road. I'm sure someone will put my old threads to good use (especially the souvenir t-shirt from that Stripper class we took in Las Vegas, "Stripper 101 Grad"). There might even be someone out there who deserves it more than I do. So I'm feeling pretty awesome about my karma right now and I'm ready to tackle Saturday night. Wish me luck!

Sexiest women part 2...

Well Lease, I hate to burst your bubble but I found the breastfeeding photo of Mrs. Jolie-Pitt and I must say that this wouldn't crack my top 100 photographs for sexiest woman alive! Maybe it's the fact that I've never experienced the miracle of life through having an infant nursing on my ta-ta (and I'm not here to offend anyone, I think it's a lovely natural event that should be shared ONLY between mother, father, child), or actually...it's probably that I'm a cold and heart-less biatch... but honestly people, I don't want to see anyone besides my sister or best friend breastfeeding without a blanket over them...the same goes for you Angelina, even if you are the world's most gorgeous woman!!!

P.S. It is not our goal to alienate all of our mommy readers, we really do love you and we'll probably eat our words in 15 years when we actually have kids!

Sexiest Woman Alive?

Once again, both Leigh and I were overlooked in this category. Granted in 2008 we didn't really do anything to deserve it, but I feel the winds are blowing a change of luck our way for '09. So, Halle Berry we will concede the title to you for 2008 and allow Esquire magazine to feature you on the cover. What does Ms. Berry have to say for her sexy self: "Being 42 and having just had a baby, I think I'll take it." Fair enough. My only question is this: who in their right mind decided to put a photo of the sexiest woman alive on their cover in a natural birthing pose? Is that the outfit she wore to the hospital? I think if you look closely enough, you might see little Nahla's head...ok, sorry that's too gross even for me. But seriously! I just don't find this photo sexy at all. Squatting is never sexy! Now I heard a rumor this week that W magazine will be publishing photos of Ms. Jolie taken by Mr. Perfect himself. She's allegedly breastfeeding one of the new twins in the photo and everyone is raving about how beautiful she looks as a mother. I'm all for motherhood being sexy and I'm sure Angelina pulls it off wonderfully. Halle, on the other hand, needs to work on her sexy pose. What do you think? Is Halle Berry the sexiest woman alive?

Deleted from our dictionary...

Happy Friday everyone, thanks for reading and keeping dyingtobedivas alive! Today I'd like to introduce yet another fascinating feature we plan to provide our dedicated readers, (all 7 of you!), and we're calling it "deleted from our dictionary." I'll start by describing my inspiration for this new section; I recently joined the the BlackBerry cult and have since had to have my IT person, (my bro Kyle Arch), change the settings on my work email from a Pop3 to a IMAP server, (don't know what any of that means), so that I can receive email on my phone and forever be enslaved by The Man!! For whatever reason, it changed the way I delete my email messages on my computer from just selecting "delete" to deleting them all then having to select "purge deleted messages"....PURGE, what?!? Is my computer vomiting the messages into the recycle bin, is it sticking it's mouse cord down it's perverbial hard drive throat and yacking up torn bits of email messages into the abyss of cyberspace?!? The more I said it in my head the more I was irked by the use of word. It never means anything good or pleasant, in fact I took a moment to look it up and copied my favorite definition from dictionary.com: "to clear or empty (the bowels) by causing evacuation"...uh, gross!! Now I can't stop thinking about someone blowing chunks (a candidate for the next "deleted from our dictionary" article), everytime I have to delete my messages, which is like 497 times a day!!! So I vote that 'purge' be the first word deleted from the dyingtobedivas dictionary and that's what this feature is going to be about, eliminating awful, nasty, gross words from our vernacular! Now, who's with me?!? Send us your suggestions and we'll be happy to post the ones that make us cringe!

Bail ME Out

I'd like to take a few moments today to talk about something serious. Not that we don't take our blog seriously because trust me, we do. It's just that there is so much drama happening in the world right now it's becoming impossible to ignore it. I know everyone has heard much about the new "It" word Bailout. At this point, you could play a drinking game with "bailout" while watching CNN and be comatose within 10 minutes (note to self: Friday night is open). So bear with me while I put my two billion cents into the pile. I'd like to address a specific bailout, my personal favorite bailout, from way back in late September. AIG (American International Group for you newbies) recently received a "get out of jail free" card in the amount of $85 billion. The government HAD to do this in order to protect Joe 6-packs insurance. The hard-working American people shouldn't suffer because of the greed and complete lack of ethics of this company. The government did what they HAD to do and now we can all rest a little better at night knowing our hockey mom's insurance policy is safe and sound. Surely, someone is going to monitor this situation and make sure that the powers that be at AIG use that money wisely, maybe cut back on the botox and get down to business? NOPE! As it turns out, they felt so confident with their newfound surplus some executive genius said "hey, you know what we could really use after working so hard to completely suck at our jobs? A $440,000 'business' retreat! Someone fire up the jet because we deserve a little TLC." And off they flew to the exclusive St. Regis resort in California where rooms go for an average $1600 a night.

During my hardcore research on this topic I was able to find the expense report for the trip. A few "business related" expenses are listed below:

Rooms: $139,375.30
Banquet Facility: $147,301.71 (check this place off my possible wedding reception list)
In Room Dining: $3,064.71
Stonehill Tavern: $5,016.32 (Cristal anyone?)
Spa Gaucin: $23,380.00
Salon Vogue: $1,488.00
Golf: $6,939.09

I'm sure there are fantastic explanations for all of these expenses. No one wants to see their CEO walking around with last week's pedicure. And god forbid a bunch of rich white guys got together for business and couldn't play golf. So in the spirit of our country's great generosity, I've decided to pretend that the tax payers are bailing ME out today. Maybe I went on a few benders too many and destroyed my company from the ground up...doesn't really matter because it's not my problem now.

What is the first thing that I am going to do with all that money?? Well, for starters I'm going to fly my board of directors to Las Vegas in my private jet. According to Air Royale Private Jet Rental, I can get a mid-size Gulfstream Executive Jet to take 15 of my execs from Detroit to LV for $55,403. Sold. Now I really don't enjoy flying, even on my own Gulfstream Jet, so I'd like to blackout for most of the trip. We're going to need about 10 bottles of Louis Roederer Cristal Champagne (2002) at $299.00/each so $3000 for the bubbly. Upon arrival, we'll need someone to drive us around for the weekend. I think a Hummer H2 super stretch limo should do it. It's $200 per hour and we'll need it for the full 72 hours (if the city doesn't sleep, neither do we!) so let's estimate $14,400 for the Hummski. I'll tell our driver to take us directly to the Bellagio where we will check into our private villas for the 3-night conference. Last I checked on Forbes.com, the Bellagio villas were the most expensive rooms in the city at a rate of $6000 per night. We'll need 5 of them to sleep comfortably, so put me down for $90,000 in room fees. We're going to be starving once our champagne hangover wears off, so we'll need to find something special to eat. Oh, what the heck, why don't we spread the love amongst a few of the top 10 most expensive restaurants in Las Vegas. Friday night we'll eat at Alex at the Wynn Resort. Dinners run about $120 per person so let's round up to $2500 after tip and booze. Saturday we'll dine on the Restaurant Guy Savoy's 10-course tasting menu for $290 per person = $4350. And Sunday night we'll have our conference closing banquet at Joel Robuchon at MGM Grand. I hear they have a to-die-for 16 course tasting menu for $360. $5400 is nothing for a meal prepared by the "Chef of the Century." Now we can't spend all of our time at dinner meetings, so we're going to need tickets to at least ONE show. How about 15 lower orchestra seats to the Beatle-inspired Love by Cirque Du Soleil show at the Mirage? At $300 each it's only going to cost $4500! After rocking out to the Beatles for a few hours, who can blame us when we're ready to get down to business...Tao Nightclub style. I don't mind when my employees blow off some steam on the dance floor, so I've reserved the 4 VIP tables surrounding the DJ booth. I guess bottle service is included for each table, so we'll just order two bottles of Grey Goose for each table or about $4000 total. On second thought, we could drink all of that by 11 and since clubs are open till 4am here, we'll really need the second round of bottles. I think we'll be lucky to get out of there with a $10k tab. I'll probably cancel our morning meeting on Saturday because of all the hard work we did on Friday night, so we'll just head to the Forum Shops at Caesar's Palace. Everyone knows that execs need to look sharp on a daily basis, so I'm not going to feel guilty about spending oh, say another $200,000 on various necessities. I need a new wardrobe for our company's new direction and Balenciaga, Louis Vuitton, Cartier, Versace, Agent Provocatuer (don't judge), and Marc Jacobs really helped me nail down that "sexy woman in charge" look that I so desperately need (thank you Sarah Palin!)

Overall, I really feel that we accomplished a lot. I think we can return to work focused and refreshed. If it takes $440,000 of your money to accomplish this, so be it! And to you naysayers like Rep. Jim Bunning of Kentucky (who had this to say about the bailout)
"Once again the Fed has put the taxpayers on the hook for billions of dollars to bail out an institution that put greed ahead of responsibility and used their good name to take risky bets that did not pay off," I have this to say to you sir: We spent an entire weekend in Las Vegas and didn't bet once, how's that for fiscal responsibility!

Diary of a Newlywed....what a difference 16 inches makes!

Sixteen inches may not sound like alot but I am here to tell you that my life has recently changed thanks to the glorious dimensions of 76 x 80!! For nearly 4 months now Nick and I have walked in and out of one of our guestrooms placing wedding gifts and other various boxes in the corner, paying no attention to the gigantic king size bed laying at the other end of the room. I bought luxurious sheets, a soft new comforter, and most importantly a 2 inch Visco memory foam mattress topper. And before I go any further, let me take a moment to extol the genius and magic that is the memory foam topper. If you haven't tried one you might as well be sleeping on a cot because the memory foam topper can only be described as sleeping on a giant puffy cumulous cloud where every turn of your body feels like you're burrowing deeper into cotton candy like squashy perfection, and I'm not exaggerating here people, it's AMAZING!! So anyway, for no real reason other then pure laziness we've contined sleeping in Nick's comfy queen bed and have been very satisfied with our sleep experience. However, two nights ago we randomly decided to try out the giant king size bed and boy were we missing out!! No longer does my knee have to ram into his back when we both do the Heisman pose face down on your stomach, no more disturbances when he comes to bed later then me, I can barely see him all the way on the other side let alone feel him settling in! And finally, we can both do snow angels without hitting each other!!! We've wasted 4 whole months rolling into one another, elbowing each other, fighting over the middle and all the while our little slice of heaven sat only 10 feet away...who knew 16 inches could make suge a huge difference!