Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it. ~P.J. O'Rourke

Onward with the list! Books are my favorite form of entertainment and the best way that I know how to escape. I used to keep a list of every book that I read, but that has long since fallen by the wayside. Now I try to remember them in my mental filing cabinet and it's not the easiest task. I will try to drudge up my top 5 favorite reads from 2008 that weren't necessarily published in 2008.

No specific order (aka I have committment issues):

- The Spirit Catches You and You Fall Down by Anne Fadiman
I took a giant leap into non-fiction this year and it definitely paid off with this emotional and eye-opening story. Basic premise is that a Hmong family gets displaced and ends up in California. Their baby daughter has a mysterious form of epilepsy that the doctors have a horrible time diagnosing and treating mostly due to the language and cultural barriers of both parties. It's a terribly sad story for everyone involved from the doctors to the parents and the entire Hmong immigrant community. I love reading about cultures that, sadly, I didn't even know existed and seeing things from their perspective. Anne Fadiman is a wonderful journalist and person and it's a crime that Oprah hasn't made this book an international bestseller.

- In Cold Blood by Truman Capote (that's him up there)
I've recently (in the past year or two) caught on to Truman Capote. I think I spent so much time in college reading Brit Lit that I completely ignored my own country's writers. Sure Breakfast at Tiffany's is an amazing work of fiction, but In Cold Blood is nothing short of genius. Published in 1966, it was the groundbreaking first work in the genre of True Crime stories. It's the story of the 1959 brutal murder of the Clutter family. Capote spent 5 years researching the crime and immersing himself in the world of both the family and their murderers. Some even say he befriended one of the killers and was with him at his execution. Whatever methods he used to get his story definitely paid off. Fun fact: His research assistant on this project was Nell Harper Lee who went on to write To Kill a Mockingbird.

- Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen
I just finished this a few weeks ago and am really happy that I did. See I attempted to read this book a few times off and on over the years. It was always my filler book...like oh I have nothing else to read right now so let me tackle that Jane Austen novel again. Sure enough I'd get a chapter or two into the story of the Dashwood sisters and their quest for true love and set it aside for something more modern. I have to be in the right frame of mind to tackle a classic...you really want to make it worthwhile because this is one of THE books. Needless to say I am relieved and satisfied with finally making it through. Ms. Austen is hilarious. I have a strong feeling that we would have really gotten along if she were alive today and not way back in the late 18th Century. She was progressive for her time and an astute social critic. I just can't decide if it's better to be Sense or to be Sensibility...maybe a little of both. Favorite Quote: She can never be more lost to you than she is now.

- I'm going to leave this spot blank until I get home and review my bookcase...totally blanking!!

- And the book that I'm currently reading and loving is The Story of Edgar Sawtelle by David Wroblewski
I'm kinda cheating by throwing this on my top 5 list and I'm only halfway done with it. But I already know that I love it...it was love at first chapter. It's a story about a mute little boy, his family, and his dogs but as most good books are, it's about so much more. So far it's been heartbreaking and sweet and smart and nearly impossible to put down. Yes, it's an Oprah Book Club selection and I won't deny it. Every now and then Mamma O nails it on the head. I don't know how it ends and I really don't want to because it's just that good. Stephen King wrote a blurb for the back and said he envies anyone who is just starting to read this novel. I think it'll be one of those tragic stories to put away, but I will enjoy every minute of it until then.

Next up: My Top Moments of 2008!

2008 - I'll Miss You

Can you believe today is NYE?! I know I can't. It really snuck up on me this year and I haven't even had a chance to reflect on what has passed. As you all know, it's an unwritten rule that all blogs MUST do a "Top #" of favorite things list or else something terrible happens. I really struggle with Top lists, so I am going to give it my best shot. I will certainly leave something amazing and life changing out and will forever regret my selections, but I have to start somewhere. Without further delay, I give you my most favorite things and moments of 2008 - as far as I can recall.

In no specific order unless specifically mentioned in order:

My 5 Most Favorite Movies:

- Slumdog Millionaire
Now this is a love story! If only a guy would survive poverty, thugs, guns, the slums, and a wacky Indian version of Who Wants to be a Millionaire for me! The movie rocks and so does the soundtrack.

- Mamma Mia!
Yes, it's a cheesy musical based on the songs of ABBA, but I cannot deny how freaking happy this movie makes me everytime I watch it (twice now). It's an hour-and-a-half of happy pills and who couldn't use that every now and then? I've never seen the play, but the movie is a blast. Guys - you will probably want to steer clear of this unless you secretly love musicals.

- Burn After Reading
I'm a sucker for a dark comedy and this definitely fits the bill. I'm just amazed that the Coen Bros. followed up No Country for Old Men with this piece of disturbing hilarity (wait, maybe I'm not...disturbing seems to be a key word).

- The Dark Knight
I really really don't like comic book action movies. I don't know why, but I've never been a fan, dot dot dot until now! I didn't see the first Christian Bale Batman movie, but I certainly saw the second. Heath Ledger was an amazing mess as the Joker and certainly deserves his post-humous Oscar nod. I was a solid Jack Nicholson Joker person until this movie and now I've gotta go Heath. I won't even get started on Christian Bale...but I enjoyed his umm...performance.

- Role Models
So maybe I didn't see that many "smart" movies yet this year (more on that in a second), but this movie was hilarious. I'm talking like first time you saw American Pie hilarious. The little kid in the movie is a laugh a minute and McLovin comes through yet again with his dorky underdog schtick. I'll never look at Dungeons & Dragons freaks the same way again.

I think this list would surely change if I had the chance to see the following movies before today:
Milk
Frost/Nixon
Doubt
Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Rachel Getting Married
Revolutionary Road
The Reader

Up next: My Favorite Books

Trying to Quit

I am getting old and grumpy - it's official. You know how I know this? I went out last night to the Magic Stick in Detroit to see a band or three and spent a solid majority of time wishing evil upon smokers. The show was great and I still had a fantastic time and all, but I can't help but wonder why these places are still filled to the ceiling with smoke every night. I'm sure some of our out-of-state readers are enjoying the smoke-free atmosphere, but here in Michigan it seems like there is no end in sight. I really haven't been paying attention to the fine print, but I know the bill to ban smoking indoors was just shot down yet again. Someone in the cigarette industry is surely giving someone in the government industry some serious cash money. Meanwhile, us non-smokers are being bombarded with second-hand fumes every time we set foot in a bar. Honestly, my main gripe isn't the threat of lung cancer (although that is a valid reason to draw complaint)...my main issue is more immediate and more superficial. I am SICK of coming home reaking like stinky stinky icky cigarettes! I don't go shopping for new clothes thinking...mmm can't wait until this new shirt smells like a bowling alley. And I certainly don't spend time and effort getting ready to go out to have my hair smell like an ashtray 10 minutes later. Now I'm not here to pass judgement on those who still smoke, but I'd like offer up a question or maybe just a random thought. I think the whole logic behind smoking is lame. Might sound weird, most people would probably say smoking was dumb because of the health issues, or smoking is gross because you smell, but I say it's just lame. Why did anyone ever smoke a cigarette to begin with? Where were you when you first smoked? I was 15 years old in my older guy friend's car in a parking lot of a concert...and I thought it was cool. As I surveyed the crowd last night I couldn't help but wonder where each of these 20-somethings were when they first started smoking. I'm guessing it wasn't a situation too different than mine. Surely they were young and knew someone that smoked and one thing led to the other and suddenly they felt rebellious. Now according to the data, nicotine is highly addicting so at some point that kicked in and the habit formed...ok fine. But my theory stands that the only reason anyone starts smoking is because they think it makes them look cool. And to me, at 27, that's just kinda lame. Case in point: there was a guy standing next to me last night who likely went through half a pack of cigarettes in the hour the band was playing. One after the other, blowing smoke in my general direction. If this guy smokes that much in any other setting I don't think he'd have room in his lungs for oxygen. Maybe he was at the Magic Stick with his friends and something in his brain said "must continually smoke while band is playing...don't know what to do with hands." I couldn't help but notice the annoyed look on the girl's face in front of me though everytime a puff of smoke went right to her face.

I think that's it for my anti-indoor smoking rant today. I'm just bummed that every time I catch a whiff of my hair right now I inhale more smoke than the 18 year olds in front of me with the cigarettes. I say if you want to smoke, then please do, but do it with etiquette and manners. Sure it gets cold here in the winter, but maybe you could wait an hour until the show is over and then commence chain smoking. In my humble opinion, it really isn't sexy or attractive and it basically reminds me of the girl I saw last night with the tattoo across her entire chest. It might look badass when you're 20, but imagine how gross that's gonna be when you're 50!

NOTE: The picture of Brad Pitt smoking in Fight Club is an exception to everything I just said. He looks incredibly sexy and hot and I wouldn't mind one bit if I came home smelling like his second-hand smoke.

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas everyone! We just wrapped up the gift-giving part of the holiday celebration here at the family home. I made out really well this year, so thanks to my parents for only having one of me. I can finally truly say that I know where I'm going now when I get behind the wheel, thanks to my new Garmin GPS device. No more hours spent driving in circles trying to find places I've been a thousand times! This is really a blessing in a cute little box. I didn't get the Soprano's box set, but I did get The Godfather Coppola Restoration DVD's...fair trade! I'm a sucker for those crazy Italians. My parents were very happy with their gifts and I think my mom especially enjoyed the 20 piece Rubbermaid TupperWare set I gave her. No more leftovers will come home with me in those melted Boston Market containers! OK, so maybe it was a gift for both of us. Anyways, I hope you all are having a very merry day!

My mom and I are going to whip up something delicious for dinner, and then go see Tom Cruise doing his worst German impression in Valkyrie. Nothing says Christmas like a movie about assassinating Hitler! Best to you all and don't forget the rum in that eggnog.

The Gift that Keeps Giving

I'm Too Tired to Party - The Celebrity Exhaustion Epidemic

It's a sad day in celebrity party land. They've lost another to the horrific epidemic that is and has been sweeping this country coast to coast. Yes, I'm referring to the dreaded Exhaustion. It usually strikes the young Hollywood set at the peak of their party days and doesn't let up until they have received thorough treatment at either the Beverly Hills hospital or the spa/resort rehabilitation center. They work so hard on their craft that they barely have time to drink a glass of water or ingest a sandwich. Sadly this leads to severe dehydration, malnutrition, insomnia, and the final phase rib protrusion.

The most recent victim of Celebrity Exhaustion is none other than celebrity DJ Samantha Ronson aka Lindsay Lohan's lesbian phase girlfriend. Poor Poor Samantha. With her demanding DJ schedule what was to be expected?! She flies back and forth across the country, with only a first class lounge chair to rest her weary head on. Then she is supposed to muster the energy to attend the various parties and social gatherings where she works so hard playing other people's music. The horror! Not only does she have to push buttons, look bored, and accept free drinks all at the same time...she also has to keep the wandering eye of her attached at the hip gf Lindsay in line. This could go on until 4 or 5 in the morning! No wonder the poor thing is exhausted and needs some serious drug-induced sleep. If I were her, I would up my DJ fee from $25,000 per gig to at least 6 figures. Any job where you experience this much pain and suffering should pay off big time.

I guess we have to give it to Samantha for actually showing up for work though. She could just cancel all of her gigs like Entourage star Jeremy Piven. Jeremy recently dropped out of the Broadway production of "Speed-the-Plow" because of his own personal Exhaustion struggle. Sure Jeremy had enough energy just a couple weeks ago to attend Britney Spears bday party, several strip clubs, and various late night festivities, but exhaustion strikes when you least expect it. These celebs run themselves down so much with all of their social demands that who can expect them to honor a commitment to something as unimportant as being the lead actor in a Broadway play? Sure the play has lost hundreds of thousands of dollars since his departure last week, but the guy is sick. If you haven't heard the complete story, it seems that he became exhausted after eating too much sushi. Now I've had my fair share of sushi, and yes it is a very tiring experience. Sometimes the pieces are so large you can barely fit them in your mouth. Then you have serious chewing to undertake, followed by a large swallow or two. I won't even get into the drowsiness I feel after using too much wasabi...those tears don't come for free. Jeremy is a known sushi-fanatic so I can completely understand that if he was eating this Japanese favorite two, maybe three times a day he had to be seriously tuckered out! I'd put my money on him not being able to lift chop sticks for at least a few more weeks.

So there you have it. Celebrity Exhaustion has taken down two more of our greatest artists at the prime of their careers. I can only hope that they find some rest and relaxation at one of the many tropical island resorts that take in these poor souls over the holidays. My best to both of them and wishes for a speedy recovery!

The Year in Dating - 2008

Well, here we are readers. I know I've left you hanging about my dating life. I'm sure you've been anxiously awaiting another installment of "WTF is her problem" aka my eHarmony updates. Wait no more! I woke up today a ball of inspiration and am ready to dish.

This has been an interesting year in my dating life. I've really settled into it now and don't actually remember what being in a relationship is like...long term memory fades at 27. Words of wisdom from my previous landlord come flooding back to me: Don't stay single in your own place for too long...you'll never be able to live with someone once you're set in your ways. I, of course, laughed it off...I'm an only child so this "not able to live with someone" thing comes natural to me. But I never really understood what he meant until I spent a few years living completely on my own...no roomies, no man around the house, just me and my bulldog companion Lola. I kill spiders, I curse loudly and kill those horrific millipede things, I take out the garbage, and yes, I spent two hours digging my car out of the snow on Friday. All signs of what Destiny's Child refer to as "Independent Women." I even pay my Bills, Bills, Bills. I pride myself on this fact and at the same time realize it could really be hampering my romantic life.

I've had a busy year by my own dating standards. I've given it a shot with blind dates, online dates, friend hook-up dates, somehow I stumbled into this dates, and my favorite: are we on a date? dates. I think I averaged a 3 or 4 date maximum with these gentlemen and each ended in basically the same way but with varying levels of story-telling quality. Some were hilarious and educational such as the gentlemen who wined and dined me at the most expensive restaurant in Detroit, gave me roses for myself and my dog, and then tested my bill paying ability on the second date. I have absolutely no problem picking up the tab, but I don't think the phrase, "why don't you go ahead and get that so I can see how you react" should ever come into play in polite conversation.

Some situations were sad and confusing and some were over before it began. Through it all though I've come to realize something about myself. I won't compromise. I don't mean I won't compromise on what restaurant we're going to, or I won't compromise on the fact that he doesn't LOVE Brit Pop as much as I do, etc. It's very simple but at the same time the most frustrating thing EVER. I won't compromise on the connection. I've tried calling it chemistry, but usually get that look from my friends that says "you know you've lost it right?"...so let's go with connection. It's gotta be there almost immediately or it's just not going to happen for me. I don't have the patience or desire to go through 25 dates and all that entails if I'm not jumping out of my skin excited about it. So that brings us to the present day and my most recent debacle of online dating.

I found a cute guy who had a very normal profile. I figured I might as well get my money's worth, so gave it a shot. We quizzed each other via the multiple choice questionnaire, sent an intro email so we could check out each other's grammar skills, and then decided to take the plunge and meet up in actual real life person. Drinks, dinner, and a movie ensued and before I knew it I was on date number 4! This is a giant deal by my dating standards, so at this point everyone in my life is wondering what exactly is going on. Am I about to figure it all out? Be invited to the couples party?! Cash in my crazy chips? I tried to downplay the situation fully knowing how these things have ended the past 12 years. Sure enough after a few more dates, it was decision-making time. Did I want to continue down the road to relationship land (a scary and foreign destination) or get back to basics and my reality TV problem? On paper this guy was a total catch: cute, gainfully employed, educated, charitable, sweet, not a country music fan, etc. So why not give it a shot? Well, it just wasn't there...and by it I mean it. I've tried to define the elusive "it" and how it's usually missing from my equations, but there is no physical manifestation of "it." It is the connection, the romance, the (get ready) chemistry. It's what separates your guy friends from your guy. It's those stupid little butterflies and that thing that makes you forget that he has a receding hairline or doesn't like Thai food or doesn't put the cap back on the freaking toothpaste. It's what makes you want to be around him all the time and not push him out the door or end your date at 10pm on a Saturday night. It's the difference between kissing him and kissing that guy at that bar in Las Vegas. It means something.

So what am I trying to say? I think I'm trying to say that I'm happy. Maybe my landlord was right and I have become set in my ways, but I really really enjoy my ways. And I now know that the only thing that's going to allow me to share that with someone is that connection. Otherwise I've got books to read, reality TV to watch, and friends to hang out with. So here's to 2008...a very interesting and educational year. I can't complain!

BK Flame

Burger King is on a roll. From commercials pranking people about discontinuing offering the Whopper to their new spots which follow a documentary style camera crew in search of people who have never tried a Whopper or as they call it, "whopper virgins" they've captured today's edgy/random/controversial humor in their advertising. So when I saw a link halfway down the home page of msn.com entitled "meat-scented cologne" I had to click and find out more. Sure enough BK has done it again, they've created a viral advertising campaign based on a real joke cologne and it's described as, "Behold the scent of seduction, with a hint of flame broiled meat." Check out the link below and follow through the prompts, I don't want to ruin the ending but it's pretty hilarious. Must be popular because it's completely sold out at the one store where it's featured! Make sure you have the sound on because the music is crucial to the video!

http://www.firemeetsdesire.com/

Christmas Chuckle

Good morning, is everyone else as excited as I am to have extra days off next week? Sure I'm excited for the festivities but boy can I use a few days off...especially in this bleak auto industry climate. Well I think I found something sure to brighten everyone's spirits with a little Christmas humor. I've referenced the Christmas Claymation Special on the blog once before, commenting on the likeness between of of Lisa's ex's and the host Rex (who's at the end of this clip), and Nick and I found ourselves watching the episode last weekend and were astounded with how funny it is every single time! The humor is timeless, the claymation is classic, it's totally genius and never gets old! Some of you have probably seen this part, but it's probably been awhile since it was first aired when VHS was all the rage. For those of you who haven't seen it, enjoy and if you like it you can search more of the episode on Youtube after. My favorite part is when the dumb bell throws his mallet over the back and tries to steal his neighbors...funny, funny stuff. Merry Christmas!!

Count Your Blessings

A few years ago I stumbled upon a photo blog of Metro Detroit's homeless population. Sounds horrible right? Well, it is horrible because these poor people are homeless and cold, but it's also kinda fascinating. This isn't some kind of sick and twisted paparazzi fueled site...it's more like giving these people an actual face and name. As anyone who has visited a big city knows, there are homeless people living on the streets. We know they are there and we assume we know WHY they are there, but we really don't care about their stories or their names or what they think about the current state of politics. We walk by or maybe give them a couple bucks or have some innocent drunken chatter with them...sometimes they clean your windshield. So when I found the website The Snowsuit Effort, I was instantly hooked. This local photographer named Ryan started the site in 2004 with the intention of capturing the people that inhabit the streets and alleys of Metro Detroit. It hasn't been updated since February 2007, but for almost three years he took a different person's photo almost every day. Each photo is accompanied by a random quote from the person; topics range from why they are homeless, to what music they are listening to, to how they are the best beat boxer since the Fat Boys.

It's a bit depressing, so if you like to keep it light and fluffy during the holidays, you've been warned. I just think it's a cool site and a solid use of someone's time.

www.snowsuit.net

Cheap and Chic - OR NOT "Christmas Edition"

Has anyone ever received a gift from the Neiman Marcus "Christmas Book" catalog? It's basically a collection of the most extravagant gift items from around the world. I first became aware of the Christmas Book when I heard the story of the Egyptian sarcophagus. See, someone at a museum was browsing the catalog's "His and Hers gifts for someone who has everything" section and stumbled upon an ancient sarcophagus. They purchased it for their collection and upon receiving the shipment heard something rattling around inside. They carefully opened the sarcophagus and inside it contained a fully mummified mummy! Quite a steal for $16,000! Now, I'm totally into Egyptian stuff and have "visit Egypt" on my "before I die" list, but I don't think I want my own personal mummy laying around the house. The whole idea of these crazy and unique gifts really intrigued me though, so I decided to check out what the recession-proof set will be buying their loved ones this holiday season. Here are a few of my faves to add to your wish list:

Limited Edition Fighter Motorcycle = $110,000
- It's our street-legal sci-fi dream come to life, in the form of the limited-edition Fighter Motorcycle.














Dallas Cowboys Texas Stadium End Zone Package = $500,000
- To honor battles won and heroes lost over 38 glorious years, you can put 530 square yards of sporting history into your own backyard: An entire Cowboys Texas Stadium end zone. Our exclusive package also includes the VIP treatment for
the last regular season Cowboys game in Texas Stadium.














His and Hers Life-size Replicas in Lego Bricks! = $60,000/each
- The perfect gift for that newlywed couple in your life.
Send in detailed photos and measurements, then Nathan gets to snapping and BOOM! One-of-a-kind, life-size sculptures of yourselves in LEGO bricks. We priced our exclusive gift individually, so Nathan can "brickalize" you and the S.O., the kids, Granny and/or anyone else you obsess about. (Just make sure you have the rights to their likenesses; we're not here to judge.)

Authentic Guinness Home Pub Package (awesome!) = $250,000
- The folks at RiRa Pubs will design a fully functional, traditional Irish pub and build it in your home in 2009. It will be crafted from historic Irish architectural elements and authentic Guinness artifacts. There's also a VIP trip for two to Dublin with first class airfare, luxury accommodations, and insider access to the magic still being made at the historic working St. James's Gate brewery. (All members of your party must be at least 21 years of age.) Plus fresh Guinness Stout for your pub. For an entire year.

And the absolute most extravagant Christmas gift ever! Coming in at a measly $10 million dollars...yes, they take Visa and Mastercard...is
Three Chimneys Farm Thoroughbred Racing Stable Package = $10,000,000
- You want the best, you go to the best. You want a working, turnkey, in-the-running thoroughbred racing enterprise right out of the starting gate? You go to Three Chimneys Farm. For this exclusive package, you get the works because Three Chimneys means business. They will build you a stable of 12-15 thoroughbreds and with your input will train them, house them, select races, enter them in races, provide you a personal racing concierge, and manage the entire enterprise for the next four years. As the owner, you get to name your stable and any unnamed horses, design your own silks, attend races, pose for pictures, give quotes to the media ... and keep all the purses and trophies.

Holy shite! Someone can actually buy a thoroughbred racing stable out of a catalog! That's some serious Christmas shopping. Well, I guess I'll go back to Amazon and see what else I can fit in under the "free shipping" plan. I'll leave these gifts on my wish list!

Top 5...Christmas Edition

Happy Tuesday everyone, hope you all had a fabulous weekend! We are a mere 9 days from Christmas and this year I decided to hold out on the Christmas music until 2 weeks before. Yes, I am one of those people who hums along and even bobs her head to 'Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree' at the office. Previously I've had it on the week of Thanksgiving but there's only so many Christmas songs you can hear over and over before wanting to take a blow torch to dear old Frosty! It hasn't really hit me that Christmas is almost here, I'm more excited to have a week off from this desolate auto industry atmosphere but I'll try and get you all in the mood by bringing you my Top 5 list of the worst Christmas songs ever created.

5. Wonderful Christmastime: I'll probably be struck by lightening by the Rock N' Roll gods when I post this list for daring to make fun of their king but Paul McCartney must have had a momentary lapse in good judgement or maybe he just got tired of all those years playing guitar and decided to pick up his synthesizer and create this song. It's not catchy, it's not warm and fuzzy, it's just lame and doesn't even sound Christmasy!!






4. 12 Days of Christmas: Could there be a more annoying song? It's the Christmas equivalent to '99 bottles of beer on the wall' or 'The Song that Never Ends' with the repetitive tune. It used to be funny to challenge someone who might not know all the verses but now it just seems to go on forever!

3. A Soldier's Christmas Song: Ok, so I'm a cold heartless bitch for even having the balls to make fun of a song about an American Soldier saving Christmas but I have to be honest, it makes me cringe. Aren't Christmas songs supposed to make you feel good instead of crying?!? I support the troops and greatly appreciate their service for our country but this long, drawn out story of a song is too much to bear more then once a year.

2. Christmas Shoes: Go ahead and call me Ebenezer Scrooge, but this song is one of the sappiest, corniest, cheesiest songs of all time, let alone in the Christmas category. It could easily be the theme song for a Hallmark Channel Christmas special, in fact I think I might capitalize on that and get to work on a screenplay! I hope I can get Treat Williams to star as the shoe store owner and McLuvin to star as the young boy trying to buy shoes for his dying mother! This could be a huge hit!

1. I want a Hippopotamus for Christmas: By far, without a doubt the most awful Christmas song ever created. I don't know if it's the screechy high-pitched voice or the fact that she uses the word "Hippopotamuses" that makes me hate it more! Either way, it has earned my top spot as the worst Christmas song of all time!

Keeping it Cool

The day has arrived!! I haven't been able to sit down and type anything yet today because I'm just a ball of energy. I know it's completely lame and weird to be as excited as I am about a concert, but it won't be denied. Tonight is going to be a fantastic way to wrap up the super fun year that was 2008. Sure there's always NYE, but in my book it's the most overrated night of all time. So now I will try to find a way to spend the next 3 hours without annoying everyone I know. Maybe I'll hop on the elliptical or maybe I'll spend 3 hours washing my hair...I dunno can't decide.

I hope you all have a great Saturday night. I will leave you with the final Oasis trivia lyric. This song was my favorite during my freshman year of college. I played it so much that my roommate actually became a fan by force. So Nikki, if you're reading, you should still be hearing this in your sleep. :)

Cos I've been standing at the station
In need of education in the rain
You made no preparation for my reputation once again
The sink is full of fishes
She's got dirty dishes on the brain
It was overflowing gently but it's all elementary my friend

Top 5 fashion takes...battle of the sexes

Today I present to you a special top 5 (okay so it's more then 5, I know), list complete with guest commentary by our very own Diva Lisa and our Diva-Wannabe Jeremy Koscielny. There's a lot of talk about women dressing for men's attention vs. other women who will be around and this highly scientfic study of mine will try to answer the question of whether pleasing both sides is possible. As host of this battle of the sexes I've asked both participants to comment on several fashion trends found in today's women's wear. We really can't claim to be an educational blog but ladies may want to take note of what one regular joe is thinking while you rock the latest trends!

Fashion Trends:

1. Huge Sunglasses:

Jer - "huge sunglasses suck!!!!!!"

Lisa - "There is nothing better on a hangover day then huge sunglasses. The more of my face that can be covered, the better."

2. Booties: Go for it ladies, especially with tights!

Jer: "booties are cool"

Lisa: "I'm on the bootie bandwagon! I have to say I'm sold on them now, but definitely only closed toe booties!"

3. Ugg Boots:

Jer: "another thing I do not get is Ugg boots! Or wearing boots in general with any outfit!"

Lisa: "I don't love Ugg boots at all, but I do love boots!"

Leigh: I can only say that they are against the Uggs because they don't have a pair, they are so warm, soft, and comfortable in the snow everyone should own a pair for utility purposes at least!!

4. Velour Sweat Suits: (not exactly the most current but Jer was passionate about every woman getting rid of these!!)

5. Skinny Jeans/Pants/Leggings:

Jer: "the skinnier the better, leggings look great"

Lisa: totally on board with the skinny jeans in boots and with high heels

6. Wide Leg Pants:

Jer: "hate them, they should never be worn!"

Lisa: "Like them with the right shoe"

Leigh: Personally I think they're cool on tall, skinny women, otherwise they don't flatter the body!

7. Black or similarly dark nail polish:

Jer: "should only be worn in the month of October"

Leigh: We both love the dark nail polish!

8. Animal Prints:

Both give a resounding, "never wear them"

Leigh: I however like a little bit of animal print here and there...in fact I love Amanda Bynes purple silk leopard print dress she's wearing on the cover of Cosmo this month! When in Vegas, Miami, or at the right party I think the animal print can be done right, in small doses!

Jer would also like to comment on a few of his other fashion pet peeves:

1. Hates too much eye shadow

2. Hates low rise pants that cause muffin tops to spill over (this shouldn't be news to any girl out there)

3. Hates large earrings (no explanation why...)

4. Hates baggy pants

I think the moral of the story is to keep the pants tight, lose the oversized sunglasses, never wear boots, and stay far far away from anything that doesn't show off the body if you want to dress for the Y chromosome, not exactly shocking news!!! I won't be winning any prize for this study!

For the Fellas

Good morning and happy Friday! I was just discussing the new GQ cover with a couple friends and thought, why not post it on here for everyone. Guys, you will thank me. I guess you can consider this our hottie of the weekend. She's 38-years-old and looks fantastic, but seriously what is up with that pose?! I'm not trying to be a psycho feminist, but the doggy pose is a bit of a stretch. I think it has something to do with her new movie "Marley and Me" that's coming out on Christmas Day, but the whole nudity/patriotism thing is confusing me a bit. It's like she's saying "I'm excited about the election of Obama, go see my movie, and by the way I'm naked.

What do you guys think? Is it desperate or awesome?

Hottie of the week....

This week’s pick, (sorry boys we gotta please the ladies this time!), may seem like I picked a name out of a hat filled with sci-fi has-beens but for anyone tuned into what I think is one of the best shows on TV it should come as no surprise that David Duchovny gets the nod. He may be best known for his stint on the X-Files but I’d be willing to bet that his best work is actually on his current show where he plays one of TV’s hottest bad boys on the hit Showtime series Californication. A complicated character, Hank Moody, combines so many despicable traits with so many lovable and honorable traits that you’re torn between wanting him to succeed and wanting him punished. Californication could be the edgiest and most risque show on television but also one of the most genuine and real I’ve ever seen. Probably too true to form David plays the sexually obsessed, self-loathing, writer with a realness that is beyond believable. His level of dedication to the character must be on the extreme side based on his recent public scandal in which he released a statement saying he was entering therapy for sexual addiction. Good news though, he appears to be attempting a reconciliation with his wife Tea Leoni!

Rating:

Mental Stimulation: 5/10 - I've only seen him as a co-host on Kelly and Regis but he wasn't a great host at the time, trying to use way too much bitter sarcasm for morning TV. He was however a frequent guest on the Larry Sanders show for which he has received much praise. He gave directing a try by first directing an episode of The X-Files and then the movie "House of D" which failed miserably.

Physical Fitness: 8/10 So he's no Hugh Jackman but he's pretty much butt naked about 50 times an episode and he's looking pretty darn good for the ripe old age of 48!

Body of Work: 9/10 I wasn't a big X-files fan but from the few shows and first movie I actually saw he was pretty believable as the sci-fi investigator. As executive producer and the lead on Californication I have to give him some major points for the shocking lines, images, and scenes that come out on this show, truly original and hilarious!

Total Hotness: 22 points, -1 for being a "former" vegetarian (I'll never understand that), and -1 for being a Canadian..."we want more moooney"

Interesting Article - Liberal Warning!

I was about to post another Oasis quiz, but realized that the blog is quickly becoming nothing but Oasis trivia. So I thought I'd take this moment to deflect attention from the Gallagher brothers and onto something more current event-ish.

Now I'm not here to blab on and on about political/moral issues, but I wanted to share a link to a really interesting Newsweek article about gay marriage. It's this week's cover story so maybe you've already seen or read it. I read it a few days ago and thought it was super interesting and noticed a follow-up bit today about all the responses they are receiving on it from both conservatives and liberals. It's obviously touched a nerve. The basic premise of the article is deconstructing what the Bible says about gay marriage, if anything, and why lots of religious conservatives use the "Bible tells me so" reason for not supporting it. It's a fairly quick read and definitely an attention grabber for anyone on either side of the issue. Now full disclosure: yes, I do realize that Newsweek is considered a liberal media outlet and they do support equal rights for everyone. But they have given both sides a chance to react to the story, so everyone gets a fair shot.

BTW, I went to 15 years of Bible school (still in recovery) and COMPLETELY missed that part about Abraham, Jacob, David, etc. being polygamists. Could have been my fault for not paying attention, but somehow I doubt it.

And finally, a big shout-out to JC for keeping it single! Next time someone harrasses me about getting married, settling down, bla bla bla, I'm just going to say "Yeah, well Jesus Christ was single!"

Ok, here's the link:

http://www.newsweek.com/id/172653

Oasis Day 3 - Cheater Edition

I was recently made aware of the fact that you can type lyrics into a search engine and magically get the name of the song. So my little contest is just ruined. Seriously though...I have never had a need to do this. Sure I've searched the name of a song and gotten the lyrics, but not vice versa. Kinda seems like you're working backwards to me. But oh well...there really isn't anything in the world I can ask and you can't find on the internets, so let's consider this a contest for who can cheat the fastest. Get your search engines fired up!

All my people right here, right now
D'You Know What I Mean?
All my people right here, right now
D'You Know What I Mean?
All my people right here, right now
D'You Know What I Mean?
Yeah, yeah


Good luck!

Name that Oasis Tune - Day 2

Countdown: 5 days and 7 hours!

Ok, so today's lyric is a bit more challenging, but hopefully not too hard. It leaves you in suspense, but it also provides a nice little hint.

We live in the shadows and we had the chance and threw it away
And it's never gonna be the same
Cos the years are following by like the rain
And it's never gonna be the same
'Til the life I knew comes to my house and says...

??????????

Diary of a newlywed...what a way to start the week

I can already tell this is going to be one of those weeks... I should've taken yesterday as a sign that I'd be much safer faking meningitis today instead of attempting to come into work. It started last night when I dropped the glass jar I was refilling with Q-tips on the top of my foot causing me to slap my hand down on the counter which mistakedly hit the box of of Q-tips causing them to sail into the air before raining Q-tips all over the bathroom floor. I'm actually limping today because my foot is so bruised and sore!

Today started off on a similarly sour note. First I slept through my alarm, which starts going off at 6:42am. I say begin because I am a snooze button addict. I read an article on MSN about how your quality of sleep is better if you set your alarm for the actual time when you have to get up instead of setting it 20 minutes early, like me, and slamming the snooze button 3 times before you actually get up. In my mind it's almost a luxury to set it early and know I can hit it 2-3 times before actually getting out of bed. Either way I didn't actually get out of bed until 7:15am which really ruined my carefully calculated schedule in the morning. I don't leave much time for mishaps so I had to scramble to wash my face, brush my teeth and throw on some clothes to allow me enough time to eat breakfast which brought me to my second problem.

I am a firm supporter of breakfast being the most important meal of the day. I probably haven't skipped breakfast in 15 years and my body is trained to be hungry within 15 minutes of waking up, no matter what time of the day I wake up. To say I'm a cereal aficionado doesn't quite capture my love and obsession with cereal. Nick calls me a cereal monster because I've been known to eat it for breakfast, lunch and dinner! Lucky Charms, Cinnamon Life, Honey Bunches of Oats with Strawberries, Cinnamon Toast Crunch, Kashi Go Lean Crunch are just a half of the boxes I normally stock in my cereal cupboard. Apparently I haven't been paying much attention to the depleting boxes in the cupboard because I went to the cabinet today with a craving for Honey Bunches of Oats and found nothing but an old box of Granola which isn't even mine! I just can't be in a good mood when I haven't had my fill of the magically delicious Lucky Charms or Life cereal.

After scarfing down the granola I asked Nick to start my car on his way out. He usually leaves 10-15 minutes before me and even though both our cars are parked in the detached garage it's still nice to have it toasty warm. He grabbed my keys, kissed me goodbye and headed out the door. 10-15 minutes later I locked the doors from inside the house and walked out to get in my car. The first thing I noticed as I closed the door behind me was the silence; no purring engine or exhaust coming from the garage. As I walked the few snowy steps to my car my fears were solidified by the lack of taillights glowing in the dark garage. I hurriedly opened my car door figuring he must have thrown my keys on the seat and felt the first moment of panic when my keys were nowhere to be found. I quickly retraced my steps to the house with intentions of waiting inside while I called Nick, temporarily forgetting that I had just locked the doors behind me. So there I was standing between the garage with no way to start my car and a warm house with no way to get in. I called Nick, trying to keep the fury in my voice to a minimum and then spent the next 15 minutes pondering, WHILE SHIVERING, what happened in the 10 seconds between him agreeing to start my car and driving off in his car with my keys! As expected he had zero explanation for his mistake, I guess I'll be chalking this one up to a case of the Monday's! God, just let me get through this day please!

Oasis Week!

Is anyone as excited as I am that it's Oasis concert week here in MI?! Doubtful, but that's ok. I am brimming over with joy that in 6 days and 1 hour I will see Liam, Noel, Gem, Andy, and whoever their new drummer is live in concert at the Palace! The world is my oyster this week and I want to share some of the excitement with you all.

I propose we host our first contest here on dyingtobedivas! Here's how it works: each day this week I will post a lyric to an Oasis song. The first person to correctly guess the name of the tune gets a fantastic prize. The only catch is that you have to actually know me in person or be willing to come to MI and claim your prize, but either way it's still fun! If you are the first person to correctly guess the Oasis tune, you will get a free drink courtesy of me. Yes, I'm feeling very generous. So even if you're not an Oasis fan or haven't even thought about them since your boyfriend put Wonderwall on your 8th grade mix tape, just give it a shot!

We'll start off with an easy one and see how things progress. Ready, GO!

How many special people change?
How many lives are living strange?
Where were you while we were getting high?

Disclaimer: Nick, you can't play unless 24 hours goes by without a response!

The Week in Review 12/5/08

Is anyone else freezing balls today? Can someone make the cold weather thing stop? You'd think I'd learn and move somewhere warm after all these years. I'm convinced that people living in cold climates forget just how horrible it all is as soon as it's over. It's kind of like childbirth. I'm absolutely convinced (with zero first-hand experience of course) that women forget the agony and torture of childbirth as soon as it's over...that's why they keep popping them out. Otherwise, that crazy woman with 18 children and one on the way would have stopped a long long time ago.

I hope to inspire some warm and fuzzy feelings today with the weekly post of all things awesome.

Steve-O from Jackass fame scheduled to appear on next season's Dancing With the Stars!
- This is enough to make me DVR the entire season. Does the network have any idea what they are getting into? They go from geriatric Cloris Leachman to coke-head partially brain-damaged Steve-O?! This show just gets better and better. I, for one, will be tuning in to see how he dances the cha cha cha with his butt cheeks pierced together.

Shania Twain steps out in NYC with (bear with me) ex-husband's girlfriend's ex-husband!
- Well played Shania, well played.

OJ Simpson sentenced to at least 15 years!
- While I am satisfied to hear this wife killer is finally off the streets, I am shocked that it took a lame robbery attempt to do it. Was the bloody glove and blood-spattered Bronco really not enough evidence? Instead he gets tossed in the slammer for attempting to steal sports memorabilia. My head hurts.

Ex-Red Wing and current Dallas Star, Sean Avery suspended from NHL for 6 games!
- Hot-head Avery called ex-girlfriend Elisha Cuthbert (from 24 and some horrible movies) his sloppy seconds in front of the media...on purpose. I'm sorry Sean, but something tells me you didn't have firsts either. Just sayin.

Finally, I had to share this photo from some site of LOLCatz. My co-workers love these cats and being a dog person I never really got the humor. I think this one is pertinent to our current state of affairs, so of course, had to share it.

Stay warm cold staters!

Hottie of the Week!

Is it Thursday already?? Well, I guess that means we're past due for our weekly hotness. Have you had your coffee this morning? Are you willing to forgive me for what I am about to do? This week's hottie is carrying on the theme from last week; yes, we are giving more love to our female counterparts. As you can probably tell from the picture, and decipher from my shameful typing, this week's hottie is Ms. Britney Spears. More applause, less annoyed groans please! Bear with me: it's Britney's 27th bday week, her album Circus was released on Tuesday, and that "tell-all" documentary about her psychotic behavior is playing over and over on MTV. As I was flipping channels last night, contemplating turning it all off and reading more of Sense and Sensibility, I randomly stumbled upon this docu "Britney: For the Record." I threw Jane Austen aside and spent the next 90 minutes deliriously hanging on every amazing word. The girl just has it so tough. I think I was actually buying into her sob story right until she came out with this gem about her daily routine: "I'm kind of stuck in this place and I'm like, How do you deal? I just cope with it every day....It's bad. I'm sad. It's like Groundhog Day every day. It's really boring..." Oh poor Brit Brit! I really want to call her up and say "Britney, do you know what I did yesterday? Do you know what I'm doing today? Do you know what I'm doing tomorrow?...I'm going to work and then I will come home and eat dinner and then probably spend 90 minutes of my life watching you complain about being a freaking millionaire!"

Yes, I think the paparazzi are enough to drive anyone crazy and I don't wish that upon anyone, but the girl needs to buck up. She probably sees more excitement everyday of her life than most people see in a year. Maybe I'm just bitter because I've never dated international pop icon Justin Timberlake or toured Europe playing to millions of screaming fans, or bought a 10 million dollar house in Malibu. If that's her idea of Groundhog Day, then call Bill Murray and send him to my house.

On the positive side, Britney appears to be turning things around both physically and mentally. Her abs are looking pre-Federline again and her weave is settling in perfectly. I don't think she's been caught barefoot in any gas station restrooms in at least a few months and she stopped wearing those horrid cowboy boots. I'm a sucker for a comeback and for that reason Britney is our hottie of the week! I'm too tuckered out to do the breakdown categories, but I will give her a 20 out of 30. She gets 10 points alone for her recent effort to keep the crazy at bay, and there are 10 more where that came from if she snags JT again. Come on...you know you want it to happen.

Shameful Admission...

I had one goal and one goal only when I left the gym yesterday. Okay make that two goals. The first was to rid myself of the seriously nasty men germs I knew were crawling all over me after having to use the men's locker rooms due to renovations taking place in the woman's locker room. I don't care what the wonderful employees of Lifetime Fitness said they did to "clean" the men's locker room to make the female members comfortable in the guys dungeon and I don't care, because the thought of sweaty, smelly, man feet walking barefoot on the same carpeting as me and sitting their stinky, hairy arses and pale upper thighs on the benches was enough to make me want to lean over and puke down the side of my bed, (oh yes, I've done that too!)

But I digress, this story really isn't about the gym, it's about my singular goal: to go to Walmart (which is nearly across the street from my gym), and pick up a cheap copy of Britney Spear's latest CD.

If you haven't stopped reading, I'll consider that a hopeful sign that we're still friends even though I went to get the new Brit-Brit CD the day it came out. While I'll admit that her new single "Womanizer" isn't the deepest, most lyrically enriched song, it's a catchy tune and I own all of her other albums so I figured why stop now! But back to the story...

Fortunately, us Plymouth/Canton citizens have plenty of great grocery shopping options like Kroger's, Meijer's, Busch's, Hiller's Market, etc... so I haven't spent more then a handful of times in a Walmart except for emergency situations, like the new Britney album. Two bad cosmic occurrences collided to make this Walmart trip different then the rest: 1. I was in no rush to get home so I didn't have to scamper through the store and 2. the CD section is in the complete back corner of the store forcing me to walk through the entire facility. I don't know my way around the store so I headed straight when I walked in and this took me right to the ladies accessories section, i.e., undergarments, scarves, gloves, etc... it was at this point when I was walking through miles of colorful scarves that I suddenly realized I "needed" a green paisley scarfy-wrap thing for only $5.00, and the softest pair of pajama pants ever for only $9.00 and some new socks for only $3.00, pretty soon my hands were full since of course I didn't stop for a cart on my in with the intention of only leaving with one CD! Next I walked past the movie section and there were loads of newish movies for only $6.00 a piece, $6 can you believe it?!? So I grabbed Ocean's Thirteen and The Golden Compass and went to look for the Britney CD. After grabbing the album I shamefully had to go back for a cart so I could pick up 2 nice wooden and leather folding chairs for when we entertain more then 6 guests! I was out of control, and didn't have the wherewithal to realize the evil trap that is Walmart! Besides the CD, the thought of a green scarfy thing had never crossed my materialistic mind but at only $5.00 it was a NEED TO HAVE item, along with PJ pants, socks, movies and chairs! I ended up spending $146.00, precisely $134.00 more then I would have spent if I'd just downloaded the dumb thing off of Itunes...and at least Itunes doesn't produce their songs from South American sweatshops!! Now I'm not here to get all political or raise awareness on causes, I leave that to my liberal Diva counterpart, but the stereotypes must be a little bit true for those kind of prices. Yes, I was delighted to save $1.30 on my toothpaste and .98 cents on my face wash but the thrill was short lived when I realized I spent way more on useless crap I don't need! I'm not knocking on anyone who shops at Walmart but I think yesterday will be one of my last trips there, until I can get the sweatshop images out of my head and control my useless spending.

Back to reality...sadly

Greeting's dear readers, I'm sorry it's been so long since I posted. In truth it's been awhile since I felt like one of you, just a regular human that is. I was really getting used to and even enjoying my fangs, the unquenchable thirst for blood, my supernatural gifts and senses that allow me to leap from the rooftops, crush boulders, and hear other people's thoughts. Ah yes, I pity all of you mortal humans who have to age past the age of 26, I'm sticking with 26 for well...forever, but don't worry, I won't feed on your blood, I'm of the vegetarian kind, I only hunt animals; mountain lions are my favorite...ok ok, sorry, breathe in, breathe out...ok...I think I'm better now, just another panicky moment of withdrawal. This would be the part where Nick looks at me and says, "oh my god, you're an addict." An addict to vampires that is. So call me obsessed, call me lame, dorky, or someone who needs to get a life, but I can't deny the facts, I have a serious obsession with vampires. For anyone who has even the slightest idea of what's playing in the theaters currently, surely you've already guessed exactly which vampires I'm obsessed with but I'll explain for those of you poor souls who aren't aware of the phenomena most commonly known by the first books title, Twilight. Let me start at the beginning...

About a month or so ago my sister came by to watch one of the final episodes of Project Runway and with a mischievous grin dropped 4 mammoth novels into my lap proclaiming them as some of the best books she'd ever read. She followed her passionate declaration with the words, "they can't even really be called teen fiction, they're so amazing!" I cut off her words at "teen fiction" and scoffed at her promise that I wouldn't be able to put them down while casually telling her I'd get around to them when I had nothing better to do. Besides, my nightstand was already full with other trash fiction I needed to finish. And so the books sat, patiently waiting for me to "get around to them" until the Sunday before Thanksgiving when I woke up before Nick to a perfectly cozy morning of nothing to do but read in bed...one of my favorite activities. I picked up the first book, Twilight, and began what was to become a whirlwind of a week. Each of the books are 600+ pages and by Wednesday evening I was seriously considering skipping the biggest bar night of the year and Marc's birthday to stay home and start the third book. Fanatic?!? That can't even begin to describe it! Thanksgiving came and went and every spare moment I could get out of a family activity I was off in a corner reading, I couldn't tell you what games were on, in fact, I guiltily admit to missing a funeral visitation, Black Friday's shopping deals, and the entire terrorist attack on India due to my frenzied reading...I don't think I looked at the TV for an entire week! My sister was sooo right, I literally couldn't put them down, they sucked me in completely and I when I wasn't reading I was dreaming about vampires or thinking about the beautifully described romance between the vampire Edward and his all-too-human soul mate Bella. So when I reached page 700 of 753 in the last book, 'Breaking Dawn' on my lunch break yesterday I started to feel sad. Sadness over the inevitable end to my time in the world of vampires, werewolves, and a delicate love story. I have never had a problem "buying into" books of fantasy like Harry Potter and Lord of The Rings and this was no exception. It's the reason I love fiction so much because literally anything is possible if you let your mind go there. Okay okay so I'm going overboard here and probably boring you to death but I can't rave enough about these books! They're a phenomena for a reason so don't let the "teen fiction" tag stop you from giving the Twilight series a chance and definitely don't let the movie stop you from reading, it doesn't even come close to the books!!

I think Nick's glad to finally have me back in the real world, he was starting to get worried that it would require fake fangs, deep shadows under his eyes, and a growl to get me to pay any attention to him again after I was utterly useless all weekend but I'm back for him and for our faithful readers! I'm still a little sad that I'm done with the books, but I'll just have to find another series to take my imagination away again!

The Lamest Blog in the World

Think I am talking about our dear Dyingtobedivas?? Wrong!! I just stumbled upon a list of The Lamest Blogs in the World on MSN's homepage. Since I'm now a serious blogger, I thought I should check it out and see if our amazingly awesome blog was listed. And I was extremely disappointed to see that it was left out! When will we win an award?! We've been blogging for at least 3 months now and I'm getting impatient. If we keep this up though I'm sure by this time next year our site will be featured as one of the lamest blogs in the world! Until then, here is a breakdown of a few of my faves from the list. Maybe you've stumbled upon them once or twice, maybe not. Either way, it's kinda hilarious.

Lamest Actual Celebrity Blog Award: Kim Kardashian
- Nearly every sentence on this site ends with an exclamation point or twelve!!!!! And it's all because her life is just so incredibly awesome. She blogs about her outfits, her parties, and her insanely large butt. It's too much excitement for one to handle.

Lamest Use of Grammar in a Blog Award: Rosie.com aka Rosie O'Donnell
- I have never visited this blog myself, but I have read her beautiful haiku writing style many times on Perez Hilton. Rosie doesn't just blog on her blog, she creates poetry about hating Barbara Walters, her failed TV shows, and why she's just so angry all the time. The subject matter alone is enough to merit a Lame Award, but her unforgivable use of grammar and her haiku format for butchering the English language is just beyond acceptable. I'm not sure where this woman's talent lies, but it's certainly not on TV, in movies, or in verse.

Lamest Intentionally Lame Blog Award: the dullest blog in the world
- This website is seriously genius. I've only read a smidgen of it from the MSNBC page, but I'm a fan. It hasn't been updated since 2006, but during it's lifetime it had serious satirical potential. The author blogs about the meaningless, mundane details of his everyday life. Exhibit A:
"Some pencils were scattered around on my desk," one entry says. "I picked them up one by one. I placed the pencils in the drawer which I use to store pencils."
"There was a cupboard in the corner of the room," reads another. "I reached out my hand and gripped the door handle. I pulled the door towards me, thereby opening the cupboard."
Loves it!!!!!!!!! (take that Kim K.)

Lamest Fictional Premise Blog Award: The Adventures of Pat O'Neil
- Upon first glance at the homepage, it looks like another boring historical bio webpage about some random explorer or Founding Father. But no. It is so much more. I can't really describe it better than they did so here's its premise:
If you're looking for a fictional account about a fella named Pat and his adventures fighting meth ninjas with a pack of genetically modified squirrel monkeys -- yes, you read that correctly -- look no farther.
Dave this one is for you. Enjoy.

And finally the award for Lamest Exclusion in a Blog Award: The Ted Stevens Blog - Apparently, Stevens' homepage was the only media outlet that wasn't talking about his felony conviction. During his failed campaign it proclaimed "huge crowds" were showing up at his fundraisers and he received a "hero's welcome" everywhere he went in Alaska. I understand politics is all about trickery, but this is a bit much. And obviously the voters agreed...but barely.

So there you have it! A few of the Lamest Blogs in the World. Leigh and I can only hope to live up to these fine examples in some small way. As always, being lame is still being something.

Break on Through

I hope everyone had a lovely Thanksgiving! I've thoroughly enjoyed sleeping in, not working, and staying as far away from the stores/malls as possible. I seriously cannot believe people died this weekend because of the disgusting cluster f@#$ that the "Black Friday" shopping craze has become. Is there really something so necessary and amazing at Wal-Mart that demands people stand outside all night long so they can trample and kill someone the next morning? I love the Nintendo Wii just like everyone else, and yes, I do realize that LCD flat screen TV's really make that football game pop, but I'm really not up for a little 5am manslaughter. It's just sick and wrong. I've committed myself to doing at least 95% of my xmas shopping online this year. Granted, I only have two people to buy for, but I refuse to set foot in a mall or supercenter of any kind from today until after January 1st. I say "from today" for a very specific reason. The point of this post isn't really to bitch and moan about the current state of commercial affairs, but to tell you a funny story.

Yesterday I was unwillingly thrown into an emergency situation. I had plans to venture downtown to the DIA to check out the "Monet to Dali" exhibit with my good friend Dave. I'm a very slow get readier, so as usual Dave was outside honking his horn before I even had my pants on. I grabbed my favorite and only pair of skinny jeans from the dryer, ignored their partial dampness, and tossed (okay pulled and tugged) them on. As you can probably gather, skinny jeans are by nature tight. They serve a fantastic purpose of fitting perfectly into your favorite pair of knee-high boots; no bunching, no baggy knees, just a perfect tight fit. I rushed over to my boots, bent at the waste while standing, and attempted to tug one on. I don't remember what I noticed first - the cool breeze or the shredding noise. They were equally unpleasant. I froze mid-bend and realized what had transpired. A four-inch tear had made it's way up from my nether regions. Shock, sadness, and a few panicked sounds followed. I had seriously split my jeans up the butt. I couldn't waste precious time mourning the loss of my one and only pair of skinny jeans (which weren't cheap btw), I had art to attend to. I switched my entire outfit around, tossed on some flats and ran out the door blushing a brilliant shade of embarrassed. Never in my life has my booty so rebelled. It's been smooshed into more pairs of tight pants than I can count, hundreds of pairs of tights, panty hose, and leggings, and even the secret and unmentionable Spanx undergarments. How dare it react so aggressively against my Guess Jeans! After calming down a bit, I came to an understanding. The day before I had eaten more Thanksgiving dinner than one pair of skinny pants can possibly handle. I don't know if it was the stuffing, or the green bean casserole, or probably the apple pie, but I had done this to myself. I pushed my bottom to the brink and asked it to be restrained for the last time. Fair enough.

So how does this all tie into my rant about the mall, you ask?? Well, I want to wear my boots tonight so an emergency mall trip was planned. Skinny jeans were located and purchased and they will be worn. Why do I keep subjecting my rump to these uncomfortable conditions? It's simple. My new boots look super cute with skinny jeans...no matter how hard my booty objects!

Hottie of the week

After much griping from the restless readers, one Awesome Aaron to be exact, we've decided to make good on our promise to honor both males and females alike with our prestigious title of Hottie of the week and the glorious award goes to a genetic freak of a woman...Mrs. Brooke Burke. It's not news that Mrs. Burke is totally gorgeous but she's currently relevant for another reason; last night she took home a different famous title, (though not as highly regarded as ours!), the Dancing With the Stars Mirror Ball trophy. Together with her partner, Derek Hough she waltzed, samba'd, and cha cha'd her way to the winner's circle with those long hyperextendable legs and those sickeningly rock hard abs. She's a genetic freak because no woman should look like that at age 37 after 4 babies, I mean how is that even possible!??! I'll tell you how, her first husband was a plastic surgeon! Now I wasn't there for any surgical procedures and she's without a doubt genetically blessed but I have to believe, (for my own sanity and self-confidence) that she had help getting camera ready for a swimsuit calendar shoot a mere 6 weeks after giving birth to her second child, that's just not normal! There's not a whole lot to grade her on since she's best known for modeling and hosting E!'s Wild On traveling show but I'll do my best not let my bias (ok, jealousy is a better word) influence my judging.

Physical Fitness - 15: So I realize each of these categories is scored out of a possible 10 points but I gotta give her some serious extra credit for managing to keep the figure of a Greek goddess after 4 pregnancies, even her ta-ta's are still where they should be, not fair!

Body of Work: - 8: Since I can only grade her on what she's done, modeling and TV hosting, she's obviously a successful model and she was even decent as a TV host from what I remember.

Mental Stimulation: - 4: This is where I can get really nasty and only because she really has nothing to offer as far as mental stimulation goes, she's nice in interviews but not brilliant or funny or anything other then ordinary. She did entice me into watching 3 minutes of her infomercial for Gunnar Peterson's "Core Secrets" while she did crunches on the ball but I can't award too many points for just having to look good in a sports bra!

Overall Hotness Factor: 27/30 She careered in the physical category and danced her way to a mirror ball trophy in every type of frilly, fringe covered, glittering outfit and she looked amazing in all of them so she gets some serious props from us this week.

Top 5

Happy Thanksgiving week everyone! I am thrilled that this is a short work even though the holidays seem to have snuck up on me along with the cold temperatures and early darkness. I'm having a harder time then usual acclimating to the darkness at night, I don't know what my deal is but I'm seriously having a problem differentiating the hours between 5:30 and 10:30, I find myself checking my watch, phone or nearby clock to continue confirming what time it is at night. I keep thinking it's time for bed when it's only time for Jeopardy to start (which is 7:30pm and I suck at pretty much every category except the Bible and pop culture!). I realize this happens every year but for some unknown reason I'm struggling to adjust!

So one great thing about the holiday season having arrived is that Clementine oranges are available. I look forward to the day every year when I walk into Kroger and see those precious little boxes of sweet Clementines and is there anything cuter then a mini-fruit packaged in what looks like a little fenced in corral called Clementines?!? I love them! This is really taking me off on a tangent but I'm feeling very organic about this post and maybe even a little hungover from Friday night still so I'll let it go where it leads me and that is to this statement: I think I can confidently say that pretty much everything mini is cute. And I've been thinking of adding a new post to the blog so I might as well start now!

As many of you know, Nick and I are big fans of giving each other our top five _____ (insert topic or category here). It's an homage to his favorite movie High Fidelity and we've done everything from top 5 favorite Taco Bell orders to more serious stuff like top 5 garbage pail characters. So I'll start this new post item with Top 5 Mini things:

5. Clementines

4. Mini rake: Just the other day my Dad was over helping us rake up the millions of remaining leaves and I noticed he'd brought the cutest little mini rake! Now it turned out to be a rake that's meant to get in between shrubs but it's still mini and is adorable, it looks like a toy!!

3. Mini Dump Truck: I'll never forget the day when I was driving around downriver with Nick on his lunch break when a little mini dump truck drove past us, I squealed with delight at the cuteness of such a masculine associated vehicle miniaturized to half it's normal size. Now the one I saw was actually more of a Tonka style (as in the kids toys) then the one pictured but you get the idea.

2. Mini LP's: As a shout out to my honey, I'll tack this one on the list since deep down I really do think they're super cute. Nick has a collection of mostly Japanese Mini LP's which are CD's inside the original shrunken down LP packaging so, for instance, he sold a bunch of his Genesis CD's to fund his purchase of the Mini LP's which come in shrunken down packaging exactly like you would have found on the original LP. It's pretty genius by giving you the CD sound quality plus the classic packaging. They will, however; cost you a pretty penny since they only took off in Japan so they usually have to be imported.

1. Miniaturized Shoes: Ok, we've all seen them and don't even act like baby shoes that are mini adult shoes aren't the cutest things ever! Little Pumas, Little Converse high tops, and let's not forget the baby Uggs...oh my gosh my head might explode over the cuteness!! Look here, even mini Gwavin is wearing them!

Rock Chick

Mario, Luigi, Sonic, Zelda, Paper Boy, and Toad. Who are these colorfully named characters? If you grew up in the 1980's they were most likely your best friends. (Or did you guys actually have real friends back then?) Anyways, they were my best friends. I fondly remember the hours I spent playing Nintendo on my bedroom floor. I mastered Tetris, dominated Paper Boy - I was seriously the neighborhood champ at delivering electronic newspapers, and owned Mario Bros. 1 and 3 (because honestly, WTF was up with 2?!) As soon as Super Nintendo came out, I had to have one. Soon enough though, the 80's gave way to the 90's and the 90's gave way to boys. I unplugged my clunky video game systems and stored them away in the basement for years to come. Over the years, I turned my nose up at every video game commercial, player, or movie-inspired by. Who were these crazy people that spent hours sitting behind their computers punching buttons or screaming at their TV's?! Didn't they too put away their Duck Hunt guns and World Track Meet Running Pads?? Apparently, the video game world kept evolving long after I signed off my last game of Islands of Adventure. I just had no idea.

Fast forward to last Friday night. Nick and Leigh were recently the lucky recipients of a Nintendo Wii system. I was incredibly skeptical that this Wii thing was actually going to amuse me in any way. I grudgingly picked up one of the wireless controllers (no more A and B buttons!) and created my character. Soon enough I was kicking my opponents arse in boxing, bowling strikes like a pro, and hitting home runs out of the park like Jose Conseco! This was all fine and good and I was thoroughly enjoying myself. That is until the unveiling of a little thing called Rock Band. Out came the guitars and the cute little drums and the microphone. I could hardly contain my excitment...the guitar only has four buttons and a knobby thing -- surely I can play that! I can't tell you how amazing this game is for a person that has zero musical ability, but has always harbored a secret desire to rock out onstage like Slash. And the songs don't totally suck! I fumbled my way through Creep by Radiohead, Say It Ain't So by Weezer, and Wanted Dead or Alive by Bon Jovi. The last one really killed me...I'm no Richie Sambora (even though I HAD been drinking a bit).

So what is the moral of this story? Well, I learned not to count video games out. Even though I might have developed from a tom boyish 7 year-old girl with invisible friends to a 27-year old diva wannabe, I can still enjoy a night of video games. I don't think I'll be jumping on the second life bandwagon anytime soon (that still completely weirds me out), but if anyone has a Wii I will be the first one over destroying those guitar solos.

Oh Yeah!?!? Well take that!!!

And That Too!!!