The Year in Dating - 2008

Well, here we are readers. I know I've left you hanging about my dating life. I'm sure you've been anxiously awaiting another installment of "WTF is her problem" aka my eHarmony updates. Wait no more! I woke up today a ball of inspiration and am ready to dish.

This has been an interesting year in my dating life. I've really settled into it now and don't actually remember what being in a relationship is like...long term memory fades at 27. Words of wisdom from my previous landlord come flooding back to me: Don't stay single in your own place for too long...you'll never be able to live with someone once you're set in your ways. I, of course, laughed it off...I'm an only child so this "not able to live with someone" thing comes natural to me. But I never really understood what he meant until I spent a few years living completely on my own...no roomies, no man around the house, just me and my bulldog companion Lola. I kill spiders, I curse loudly and kill those horrific millipede things, I take out the garbage, and yes, I spent two hours digging my car out of the snow on Friday. All signs of what Destiny's Child refer to as "Independent Women." I even pay my Bills, Bills, Bills. I pride myself on this fact and at the same time realize it could really be hampering my romantic life.

I've had a busy year by my own dating standards. I've given it a shot with blind dates, online dates, friend hook-up dates, somehow I stumbled into this dates, and my favorite: are we on a date? dates. I think I averaged a 3 or 4 date maximum with these gentlemen and each ended in basically the same way but with varying levels of story-telling quality. Some were hilarious and educational such as the gentlemen who wined and dined me at the most expensive restaurant in Detroit, gave me roses for myself and my dog, and then tested my bill paying ability on the second date. I have absolutely no problem picking up the tab, but I don't think the phrase, "why don't you go ahead and get that so I can see how you react" should ever come into play in polite conversation.

Some situations were sad and confusing and some were over before it began. Through it all though I've come to realize something about myself. I won't compromise. I don't mean I won't compromise on what restaurant we're going to, or I won't compromise on the fact that he doesn't LOVE Brit Pop as much as I do, etc. It's very simple but at the same time the most frustrating thing EVER. I won't compromise on the connection. I've tried calling it chemistry, but usually get that look from my friends that says "you know you've lost it right?"...so let's go with connection. It's gotta be there almost immediately or it's just not going to happen for me. I don't have the patience or desire to go through 25 dates and all that entails if I'm not jumping out of my skin excited about it. So that brings us to the present day and my most recent debacle of online dating.

I found a cute guy who had a very normal profile. I figured I might as well get my money's worth, so gave it a shot. We quizzed each other via the multiple choice questionnaire, sent an intro email so we could check out each other's grammar skills, and then decided to take the plunge and meet up in actual real life person. Drinks, dinner, and a movie ensued and before I knew it I was on date number 4! This is a giant deal by my dating standards, so at this point everyone in my life is wondering what exactly is going on. Am I about to figure it all out? Be invited to the couples party?! Cash in my crazy chips? I tried to downplay the situation fully knowing how these things have ended the past 12 years. Sure enough after a few more dates, it was decision-making time. Did I want to continue down the road to relationship land (a scary and foreign destination) or get back to basics and my reality TV problem? On paper this guy was a total catch: cute, gainfully employed, educated, charitable, sweet, not a country music fan, etc. So why not give it a shot? Well, it just wasn't there...and by it I mean it. I've tried to define the elusive "it" and how it's usually missing from my equations, but there is no physical manifestation of "it." It is the connection, the romance, the (get ready) chemistry. It's what separates your guy friends from your guy. It's those stupid little butterflies and that thing that makes you forget that he has a receding hairline or doesn't like Thai food or doesn't put the cap back on the freaking toothpaste. It's what makes you want to be around him all the time and not push him out the door or end your date at 10pm on a Saturday night. It's the difference between kissing him and kissing that guy at that bar in Las Vegas. It means something.

So what am I trying to say? I think I'm trying to say that I'm happy. Maybe my landlord was right and I have become set in my ways, but I really really enjoy my ways. And I now know that the only thing that's going to allow me to share that with someone is that connection. Otherwise I've got books to read, reality TV to watch, and friends to hang out with. So here's to 2008...a very interesting and educational year. I can't complain!