Watch out for the lightning...

Some of you may be surprised to know that behind my outward lady-like behavior I have a manly talent of sorts.   For those of you who have been around me long enough you'll be familiar with my belching capabilities.  I don't know when it started but for as long as I can remember I've been burping louder and with more depth then most guys I've heard.  Even my brother, the one guy you can count on to let out all bodily functions on your head or in the car to give you the dutch oven has never been able to compete with the seismic eruptions of my mouth!!  I get mixed reactions to my belching, most guys I've burped around think it's hilarious but some guys and most girls are a bit disgusted.  I drink 1-2 Diet Pepsi's a day so my burping is usually at its worst in the mid afternoon following lunch but that is not to give you the impression that I only burp from carbonated beverages.  I've tried to figure out what makes me burp so much louder then most people and besides the carbonated beverages I have a theory that my eating habits (basically inhaling every meal) may lead to my sucking in lots of air which would cause the burping.  I've never been a slow eater, and it's torture to take a moment's pause in between every bite so I won't be fixing this cause any time soon. The worst part about my belching is that it can come at the worst possible times, for instance; in Church after I've had some coffee, in a movie when I'm sucking down a pop and popcorn, at work when I'm around customers, etc...  But the worst timing by far has to be my knack of ALWAYS needing to burp when someones saying prayer before dinner.  I swear it's like a cause and effect reaction!! Someone starts praying and I immediately feel my stomach start rolling around compounding into a sizable gas bubble before needing to find an exit!! Case in point: Wednesday evening Nick and I joined my brother and sister-in-law, and my younger sister over at my parents house for a family dinner.  I can't recall exactly if I'd had much to drink before we sat down to dinner but it's really of no consequence, we always say grace before eating and this night was no different.  My sister volunteered and as we bowed our heads I closed my eyes and sent my silent words of thanks Heavenward until my intestines decided to revolt.  I felt my ab muscles contract and was forced to take in a deep gasp of a breath before the rumbling started its way up my esophagus.  It was one of those low guttural sounding burps even as it crept it's way up my chest and I knew it would be loud so I sealed my lips shut hoping no one else could hear the deep roar entering my throat. My cheeks automatically puffed out to keep the belch from escaping but this is where everything went wrong. The belch needed to find an exit and if it wasn't getting out of my mouth then it was getting out somewhere else.  Next I felt my nose start to burn and pretty soon I knew I couldn't go without breathing much longer so I ended up having to gasp and nearly choked before the tears started clogging up my vision.  And after all of this suffering to keep my family from having to endure yet another gross interruption I looked up to see them all staring at me and the first thing my mom said was, "did you think we didn't hear it while you were trying to keep it in?!?" Thankfully our family dinners are pretty casual so everyone had a good laugh but I gotta tell you, God is going to get even with me one of these days for ruining dozens of prayers so I'm staying far away from towering trees and telephone poles and I won't blame you if you want to stay far away from me during a thunderstorm!!

Hope everyone has a great weekend!! Cheers!