Back to reality...sadly

Greeting's dear readers, I'm sorry it's been so long since I posted. In truth it's been awhile since I felt like one of you, just a regular human that is. I was really getting used to and even enjoying my fangs, the unquenchable thirst for blood, my supernatural gifts and senses that allow me to leap from the rooftops, crush boulders, and hear other people's thoughts. Ah yes, I pity all of you mortal humans who have to age past the age of 26, I'm sticking with 26 for well...forever, but don't worry, I won't feed on your blood, I'm of the vegetarian kind, I only hunt animals; mountain lions are my favorite...ok ok, sorry, breathe in, breathe out...ok...I think I'm better now, just another panicky moment of withdrawal. This would be the part where Nick looks at me and says, "oh my god, you're an addict." An addict to vampires that is. So call me obsessed, call me lame, dorky, or someone who needs to get a life, but I can't deny the facts, I have a serious obsession with vampires. For anyone who has even the slightest idea of what's playing in the theaters currently, surely you've already guessed exactly which vampires I'm obsessed with but I'll explain for those of you poor souls who aren't aware of the phenomena most commonly known by the first books title, Twilight. Let me start at the beginning...

About a month or so ago my sister came by to watch one of the final episodes of Project Runway and with a mischievous grin dropped 4 mammoth novels into my lap proclaiming them as some of the best books she'd ever read. She followed her passionate declaration with the words, "they can't even really be called teen fiction, they're so amazing!" I cut off her words at "teen fiction" and scoffed at her promise that I wouldn't be able to put them down while casually telling her I'd get around to them when I had nothing better to do. Besides, my nightstand was already full with other trash fiction I needed to finish. And so the books sat, patiently waiting for me to "get around to them" until the Sunday before Thanksgiving when I woke up before Nick to a perfectly cozy morning of nothing to do but read in bed...one of my favorite activities. I picked up the first book, Twilight, and began what was to become a whirlwind of a week. Each of the books are 600+ pages and by Wednesday evening I was seriously considering skipping the biggest bar night of the year and Marc's birthday to stay home and start the third book. Fanatic?!? That can't even begin to describe it! Thanksgiving came and went and every spare moment I could get out of a family activity I was off in a corner reading, I couldn't tell you what games were on, in fact, I guiltily admit to missing a funeral visitation, Black Friday's shopping deals, and the entire terrorist attack on India due to my frenzied reading...I don't think I looked at the TV for an entire week! My sister was sooo right, I literally couldn't put them down, they sucked me in completely and I when I wasn't reading I was dreaming about vampires or thinking about the beautifully described romance between the vampire Edward and his all-too-human soul mate Bella. So when I reached page 700 of 753 in the last book, 'Breaking Dawn' on my lunch break yesterday I started to feel sad. Sadness over the inevitable end to my time in the world of vampires, werewolves, and a delicate love story. I have never had a problem "buying into" books of fantasy like Harry Potter and Lord of The Rings and this was no exception. It's the reason I love fiction so much because literally anything is possible if you let your mind go there. Okay okay so I'm going overboard here and probably boring you to death but I can't rave enough about these books! They're a phenomena for a reason so don't let the "teen fiction" tag stop you from giving the Twilight series a chance and definitely don't let the movie stop you from reading, it doesn't even come close to the books!!

I think Nick's glad to finally have me back in the real world, he was starting to get worried that it would require fake fangs, deep shadows under his eyes, and a growl to get me to pay any attention to him again after I was utterly useless all weekend but I'm back for him and for our faithful readers! I'm still a little sad that I'm done with the books, but I'll just have to find another series to take my imagination away again!

The Lamest Blog in the World

Think I am talking about our dear Dyingtobedivas?? Wrong!! I just stumbled upon a list of The Lamest Blogs in the World on MSN's homepage. Since I'm now a serious blogger, I thought I should check it out and see if our amazingly awesome blog was listed. And I was extremely disappointed to see that it was left out! When will we win an award?! We've been blogging for at least 3 months now and I'm getting impatient. If we keep this up though I'm sure by this time next year our site will be featured as one of the lamest blogs in the world! Until then, here is a breakdown of a few of my faves from the list. Maybe you've stumbled upon them once or twice, maybe not. Either way, it's kinda hilarious.

Lamest Actual Celebrity Blog Award: Kim Kardashian
- Nearly every sentence on this site ends with an exclamation point or twelve!!!!! And it's all because her life is just so incredibly awesome. She blogs about her outfits, her parties, and her insanely large butt. It's too much excitement for one to handle.

Lamest Use of Grammar in a Blog Award: Rosie.com aka Rosie O'Donnell
- I have never visited this blog myself, but I have read her beautiful haiku writing style many times on Perez Hilton. Rosie doesn't just blog on her blog, she creates poetry about hating Barbara Walters, her failed TV shows, and why she's just so angry all the time. The subject matter alone is enough to merit a Lame Award, but her unforgivable use of grammar and her haiku format for butchering the English language is just beyond acceptable. I'm not sure where this woman's talent lies, but it's certainly not on TV, in movies, or in verse.

Lamest Intentionally Lame Blog Award: the dullest blog in the world
- This website is seriously genius. I've only read a smidgen of it from the MSNBC page, but I'm a fan. It hasn't been updated since 2006, but during it's lifetime it had serious satirical potential. The author blogs about the meaningless, mundane details of his everyday life. Exhibit A:
"Some pencils were scattered around on my desk," one entry says. "I picked them up one by one. I placed the pencils in the drawer which I use to store pencils."
"There was a cupboard in the corner of the room," reads another. "I reached out my hand and gripped the door handle. I pulled the door towards me, thereby opening the cupboard."
Loves it!!!!!!!!! (take that Kim K.)

Lamest Fictional Premise Blog Award: The Adventures of Pat O'Neil
- Upon first glance at the homepage, it looks like another boring historical bio webpage about some random explorer or Founding Father. But no. It is so much more. I can't really describe it better than they did so here's its premise:
If you're looking for a fictional account about a fella named Pat and his adventures fighting meth ninjas with a pack of genetically modified squirrel monkeys -- yes, you read that correctly -- look no farther.
Dave this one is for you. Enjoy.

And finally the award for Lamest Exclusion in a Blog Award: The Ted Stevens Blog - Apparently, Stevens' homepage was the only media outlet that wasn't talking about his felony conviction. During his failed campaign it proclaimed "huge crowds" were showing up at his fundraisers and he received a "hero's welcome" everywhere he went in Alaska. I understand politics is all about trickery, but this is a bit much. And obviously the voters agreed...but barely.

So there you have it! A few of the Lamest Blogs in the World. Leigh and I can only hope to live up to these fine examples in some small way. As always, being lame is still being something.

Break on Through

I hope everyone had a lovely Thanksgiving! I've thoroughly enjoyed sleeping in, not working, and staying as far away from the stores/malls as possible. I seriously cannot believe people died this weekend because of the disgusting cluster f@#$ that the "Black Friday" shopping craze has become. Is there really something so necessary and amazing at Wal-Mart that demands people stand outside all night long so they can trample and kill someone the next morning? I love the Nintendo Wii just like everyone else, and yes, I do realize that LCD flat screen TV's really make that football game pop, but I'm really not up for a little 5am manslaughter. It's just sick and wrong. I've committed myself to doing at least 95% of my xmas shopping online this year. Granted, I only have two people to buy for, but I refuse to set foot in a mall or supercenter of any kind from today until after January 1st. I say "from today" for a very specific reason. The point of this post isn't really to bitch and moan about the current state of commercial affairs, but to tell you a funny story.

Yesterday I was unwillingly thrown into an emergency situation. I had plans to venture downtown to the DIA to check out the "Monet to Dali" exhibit with my good friend Dave. I'm a very slow get readier, so as usual Dave was outside honking his horn before I even had my pants on. I grabbed my favorite and only pair of skinny jeans from the dryer, ignored their partial dampness, and tossed (okay pulled and tugged) them on. As you can probably gather, skinny jeans are by nature tight. They serve a fantastic purpose of fitting perfectly into your favorite pair of knee-high boots; no bunching, no baggy knees, just a perfect tight fit. I rushed over to my boots, bent at the waste while standing, and attempted to tug one on. I don't remember what I noticed first - the cool breeze or the shredding noise. They were equally unpleasant. I froze mid-bend and realized what had transpired. A four-inch tear had made it's way up from my nether regions. Shock, sadness, and a few panicked sounds followed. I had seriously split my jeans up the butt. I couldn't waste precious time mourning the loss of my one and only pair of skinny jeans (which weren't cheap btw), I had art to attend to. I switched my entire outfit around, tossed on some flats and ran out the door blushing a brilliant shade of embarrassed. Never in my life has my booty so rebelled. It's been smooshed into more pairs of tight pants than I can count, hundreds of pairs of tights, panty hose, and leggings, and even the secret and unmentionable Spanx undergarments. How dare it react so aggressively against my Guess Jeans! After calming down a bit, I came to an understanding. The day before I had eaten more Thanksgiving dinner than one pair of skinny pants can possibly handle. I don't know if it was the stuffing, or the green bean casserole, or probably the apple pie, but I had done this to myself. I pushed my bottom to the brink and asked it to be restrained for the last time. Fair enough.

So how does this all tie into my rant about the mall, you ask?? Well, I want to wear my boots tonight so an emergency mall trip was planned. Skinny jeans were located and purchased and they will be worn. Why do I keep subjecting my rump to these uncomfortable conditions? It's simple. My new boots look super cute with skinny jeans...no matter how hard my booty objects!

Hottie of the week

After much griping from the restless readers, one Awesome Aaron to be exact, we've decided to make good on our promise to honor both males and females alike with our prestigious title of Hottie of the week and the glorious award goes to a genetic freak of a woman...Mrs. Brooke Burke. It's not news that Mrs. Burke is totally gorgeous but she's currently relevant for another reason; last night she took home a different famous title, (though not as highly regarded as ours!), the Dancing With the Stars Mirror Ball trophy. Together with her partner, Derek Hough she waltzed, samba'd, and cha cha'd her way to the winner's circle with those long hyperextendable legs and those sickeningly rock hard abs. She's a genetic freak because no woman should look like that at age 37 after 4 babies, I mean how is that even possible!??! I'll tell you how, her first husband was a plastic surgeon! Now I wasn't there for any surgical procedures and she's without a doubt genetically blessed but I have to believe, (for my own sanity and self-confidence) that she had help getting camera ready for a swimsuit calendar shoot a mere 6 weeks after giving birth to her second child, that's just not normal! There's not a whole lot to grade her on since she's best known for modeling and hosting E!'s Wild On traveling show but I'll do my best not let my bias (ok, jealousy is a better word) influence my judging.

Physical Fitness - 15: So I realize each of these categories is scored out of a possible 10 points but I gotta give her some serious extra credit for managing to keep the figure of a Greek goddess after 4 pregnancies, even her ta-ta's are still where they should be, not fair!

Body of Work: - 8: Since I can only grade her on what she's done, modeling and TV hosting, she's obviously a successful model and she was even decent as a TV host from what I remember.

Mental Stimulation: - 4: This is where I can get really nasty and only because she really has nothing to offer as far as mental stimulation goes, she's nice in interviews but not brilliant or funny or anything other then ordinary. She did entice me into watching 3 minutes of her infomercial for Gunnar Peterson's "Core Secrets" while she did crunches on the ball but I can't award too many points for just having to look good in a sports bra!

Overall Hotness Factor: 27/30 She careered in the physical category and danced her way to a mirror ball trophy in every type of frilly, fringe covered, glittering outfit and she looked amazing in all of them so she gets some serious props from us this week.

Top 5

Happy Thanksgiving week everyone! I am thrilled that this is a short work even though the holidays seem to have snuck up on me along with the cold temperatures and early darkness. I'm having a harder time then usual acclimating to the darkness at night, I don't know what my deal is but I'm seriously having a problem differentiating the hours between 5:30 and 10:30, I find myself checking my watch, phone or nearby clock to continue confirming what time it is at night. I keep thinking it's time for bed when it's only time for Jeopardy to start (which is 7:30pm and I suck at pretty much every category except the Bible and pop culture!). I realize this happens every year but for some unknown reason I'm struggling to adjust!

So one great thing about the holiday season having arrived is that Clementine oranges are available. I look forward to the day every year when I walk into Kroger and see those precious little boxes of sweet Clementines and is there anything cuter then a mini-fruit packaged in what looks like a little fenced in corral called Clementines?!? I love them! This is really taking me off on a tangent but I'm feeling very organic about this post and maybe even a little hungover from Friday night still so I'll let it go where it leads me and that is to this statement: I think I can confidently say that pretty much everything mini is cute. And I've been thinking of adding a new post to the blog so I might as well start now!

As many of you know, Nick and I are big fans of giving each other our top five _____ (insert topic or category here). It's an homage to his favorite movie High Fidelity and we've done everything from top 5 favorite Taco Bell orders to more serious stuff like top 5 garbage pail characters. So I'll start this new post item with Top 5 Mini things:

5. Clementines

4. Mini rake: Just the other day my Dad was over helping us rake up the millions of remaining leaves and I noticed he'd brought the cutest little mini rake! Now it turned out to be a rake that's meant to get in between shrubs but it's still mini and is adorable, it looks like a toy!!

3. Mini Dump Truck: I'll never forget the day when I was driving around downriver with Nick on his lunch break when a little mini dump truck drove past us, I squealed with delight at the cuteness of such a masculine associated vehicle miniaturized to half it's normal size. Now the one I saw was actually more of a Tonka style (as in the kids toys) then the one pictured but you get the idea.

2. Mini LP's: As a shout out to my honey, I'll tack this one on the list since deep down I really do think they're super cute. Nick has a collection of mostly Japanese Mini LP's which are CD's inside the original shrunken down LP packaging so, for instance, he sold a bunch of his Genesis CD's to fund his purchase of the Mini LP's which come in shrunken down packaging exactly like you would have found on the original LP. It's pretty genius by giving you the CD sound quality plus the classic packaging. They will, however; cost you a pretty penny since they only took off in Japan so they usually have to be imported.

1. Miniaturized Shoes: Ok, we've all seen them and don't even act like baby shoes that are mini adult shoes aren't the cutest things ever! Little Pumas, Little Converse high tops, and let's not forget the baby Uggs...oh my gosh my head might explode over the cuteness!! Look here, even mini Gwavin is wearing them!

Rock Chick

Mario, Luigi, Sonic, Zelda, Paper Boy, and Toad. Who are these colorfully named characters? If you grew up in the 1980's they were most likely your best friends. (Or did you guys actually have real friends back then?) Anyways, they were my best friends. I fondly remember the hours I spent playing Nintendo on my bedroom floor. I mastered Tetris, dominated Paper Boy - I was seriously the neighborhood champ at delivering electronic newspapers, and owned Mario Bros. 1 and 3 (because honestly, WTF was up with 2?!) As soon as Super Nintendo came out, I had to have one. Soon enough though, the 80's gave way to the 90's and the 90's gave way to boys. I unplugged my clunky video game systems and stored them away in the basement for years to come. Over the years, I turned my nose up at every video game commercial, player, or movie-inspired by. Who were these crazy people that spent hours sitting behind their computers punching buttons or screaming at their TV's?! Didn't they too put away their Duck Hunt guns and World Track Meet Running Pads?? Apparently, the video game world kept evolving long after I signed off my last game of Islands of Adventure. I just had no idea.

Fast forward to last Friday night. Nick and Leigh were recently the lucky recipients of a Nintendo Wii system. I was incredibly skeptical that this Wii thing was actually going to amuse me in any way. I grudgingly picked up one of the wireless controllers (no more A and B buttons!) and created my character. Soon enough I was kicking my opponents arse in boxing, bowling strikes like a pro, and hitting home runs out of the park like Jose Conseco! This was all fine and good and I was thoroughly enjoying myself. That is until the unveiling of a little thing called Rock Band. Out came the guitars and the cute little drums and the microphone. I could hardly contain my excitment...the guitar only has four buttons and a knobby thing -- surely I can play that! I can't tell you how amazing this game is for a person that has zero musical ability, but has always harbored a secret desire to rock out onstage like Slash. And the songs don't totally suck! I fumbled my way through Creep by Radiohead, Say It Ain't So by Weezer, and Wanted Dead or Alive by Bon Jovi. The last one really killed me...I'm no Richie Sambora (even though I HAD been drinking a bit).

So what is the moral of this story? Well, I learned not to count video games out. Even though I might have developed from a tom boyish 7 year-old girl with invisible friends to a 27-year old diva wannabe, I can still enjoy a night of video games. I don't think I'll be jumping on the second life bandwagon anytime soon (that still completely weirds me out), but if anyone has a Wii I will be the first one over destroying those guitar solos.

Oh Yeah!?!? Well take that!!!

And That Too!!!